Hurricane Irene

Heaven's thrown a tantum
Earth follows with small fits
Winds throwing punches, then
The trees with stronger hits
I hear of all the black outs
Annoyed by a leaky ceiling
Been under eternal battle with this broad
When will this end is my only feeling
Under God's eye like a microscope
Waiting for his work to pass
Will it be like Noah's Arc once more
Watching one world perish and kissing another's grass
Desire for the sun's smile
Away with rain sadistic ways
August 27 reliving my birth
Frankly I've seen better days
News reports linger, all's in a frenzy
Taming the seepage takes everything in me
The morning breaks the tempest
Minds and bodies are serene
Natural Disasters in our rear-view
As we say adieu to Ms. Irene

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wrote "Hurricane Irene" on my 21st Birthday. The birthday where you celebrate taking your first drink or visiting a casino. Nope I was stuck in the middle of a storm.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

Comments

Proofread it.

Typographical slips distract from the form. Good meter for the most part and as always a good subject.
I appreciate the rhyme structure. You have a talent there.
A personal complaint: I truly don't like the capitals at the beginning of each line. I prefer to see the grammar determine where the capitals go. This use of capitals is an old format whose time is come and gone.
However, it is your poem after all and if that's the way you want to go who am I to argue...
Glad to see you continuing to write even as we work together on the structure of poetry.
Thanks too for sticking with me even though it's hard.

Well I actually wrote this 6

Well I actually wrote this 6 yrs ago, on my 21st Birthday.

Most of lines are seperate thoughts, ending at the end of each line.

I like,

But read it aloud, and you'll find the failings in cadence.
Nothing else to say; if your working with Wes, you're in good hands.

Welcome to Neopoet!

Thanks

Thanks.

Random

Not to get off point. But does anyone by chance know how to space the signature out from the rest of your message?

Yes

Put in a couple of blank lines and then a few lines. It gives it some distance then.
I've done it on mine.
Jx

Heaven's thrown a tantum

Tantrum needs an "r". That's what I mean by typographical errors. It's good that you post older poems. As they say.... a poem is never finished, only abandoned. Good you do not abandon an older poem. As we progress as a poet it's good to revisit old works and bring them up to date with our present level of expertise. I edit old poems all the time.
This one is quite good and deserves a second look.

Very Deep Expression Of Thought

Nature's beckoning call.
To choose the way of the positive force is essential when dealing with disaster,
The morning breaks the tempest is such an exquisite art form.
Full of honest to goodness emotions in this timeless piece.
Thank you for the unique opportunity in conveying your work here.

Thanks, I appreciate the

Thanks, I appreciate the compliment.