T. Harmonee

Jun 03, 2017

The Cure

You used to say, "I am not
an alcoholic." But I can tell
by the looks of that glass, you were
definitely searching for something.

Something I guess you couldn't find
being a husband to mom. Something
not in the joys of fatherhood. And nothing
found, after your tenth can of beer.

Did you ever stop to think, you
should have left the search with God?
Get up out of the Thunderbird, and
get down on your knees to pray.

No. Because I'm still throwing out your crap,
Watering the grass with Budweiser, quenching
the sink's thirst with Bud Light.
And since when do you drink Ice House?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

Comments

welcome to neopoet

Honesty is the first rule to make a poet, and this poem is honest in it's expression. There's anger, and irony. there are some wonderful ideas, like using the beer to water the flowers.

My suggestion is to add more for us, using the tools of poetry. Describe your father, his smell, his dress...use metaphor to create a picture for us. You might also tell us how you have moved on with your life, despite an alcoholic father.

There's hardly a person I know who does not know somebody personally who not been affected by alcoholism. Most of us understand the routine, and you have done a good time reporting.

Now step out, read a lot of poetry, contribute to the site with your comments on other poets, and your craftsmanship will grow as you grow as a poet. Welcome.

Eumolpus

Thanks for the tips.

reply

Describe all of that within the same poem? That sounds like a whole other poem to me.

If I may.

The poem's subject is sound, but I think you use enjambment far too much (excuse me for explaining in case you already know, but "enjambment" is when a thought continues on from one line to the next). There could have been more lines that come to a stop before moving on to the next. It causes the poem to read a little prose like.
I suggest this based on our conversation in the private message.
Welcome to NeoPoet. We are all at your disposal, but especially me.

Enjambment

I'm not completely aware of why people use enjambment. I always thought people may use it to emphasize a certain part of a sentence by separating the two parts in a line break.

This is why I need mentoring or some type of schooling.

There is nothing wrong with enjambment.

We use it all the time. Your poem simply relied on it. Which could work also. In this case I thought it excessive.

I've read your profile and comments in Forum

and you are definitely in the right place. Welcome.

A great approach and attitude too. Reading teaches more than teaching.
Eumolpus and Wesley have both given sound crit.

I'm wondering if your musical references, The Cure and Icehouse are intentional?

Here is what your poem sounds like if read without prosodic structure:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s19J2Y7cePgU

What do you think?

Recording

It reads with a little bit less emotion than I was going for.

And no, the musical references were not on purpose.

Ever hear TS Eliot read his own work?

Utterly deadpan.
I would not presume to impose my emotions on yours.

no I can't say I have.

My father was...

an alcoholic too. I haven't done a whole poem on it, but thought that you might gain a bit of insight as to what Wesley and Jess are talking about if you read what I wrote in a poem that mentions it.
It's called "Baking Bread". Not that I'm the big expert on making great poems, but I think that this is what they are talking about. P.S. welcome to Neo.
~ Geezer.