jane210660
jane210660
May 10, 2017
This poem is part of the contest:

SPRING IS IN THE AIR

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A Quiet Revolution (May Contest)

As spring creeps in with softened hue
She’ll silence winter’s roar.
No trumpet loud gives him a clue
As spring creeps in with softened hue
To execute her timely coup
In this eternal war.
As spring creeps in with softened hue
She’ll silence winter’s roar.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a triolet. Triolets have a very strict form. 1st, 4th and 7th lines are the same. 2nd and 8th line are the same. The rhyming pattern has to be ABaAabAB

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Yorkshire England, GBR

More from this author

Comments

jane210660

Thank you for such lovely feedback.
I have referred to Spring as she and Winter as he, just because I see them that way. And also because classically these are the genders they have. Spring, moon, Mother Earth etc all feminine.
Winter masculine. Jx

jane210660

In literature the moon, nature and Spring are classically referred to as feminine. Think about it, Spring is a soft and gentle season. Nothing whatsoever to do with a mechanical coil.
Similarly in classic terms winter is masculine

lovedly

As spring creeps in with softened huex3

nice words
but used three times
in such a short sweet poem
takes away the summers hue

gives winter its due
good poetry none the less
coming from you

Keith Logan

So well written, as always from you Jane. So much said in so few words. As to title suggestions,
Gentle Spring.
Turn, Turn, Turn.
Away with the old.
Rebirth.

jane210660

Glad you enjoyed the poem and thanks for title suggestions.
I like Revolution for its double entendres,but it's a bit harsh in the context of the poem.
I like your suggestions.
Jx

lovedly

Spring is a woman's season
as may women get pregnant
also
it's the same with the animal kingdom
when so many of them are in heat
and
conceive ..
You are a class teacher ma'am..
During winter women like to live
like in hibernation
it's cold as cold as are men...
often

jane210660

Course you can Audri. It's your poem. It would make sense to me, that you could edit until the closing date, which is a bit off yet. I don't think they will be judged till all entries are in, after the close. I'm happy with the body of my poem, it's just the title I've been playing round with. But a title edit is not really any different to a poem edit.
Just my thoughts. Jx
P. S. Perhaps Scribbler or Gee could confirm.

S

Poems can be edited right up until the deadline to submit.......stan

Eumolpus

I love the poem, but not the title. I think the reason is that I consider the word "revolution" a unique event, politically or otherwise (like an art movement or a brand new way of doing something ). Spring does return each year, so its a repeated event, glorious, but not unique in the sense of a revolution.
Spring executing its "timely coup" is combining nature to a political event, as is "war" to some extent, which I think works in the context of the poem.
Like a mythological painting, how about something like "The Triumph of Spring"

jane210660

I'm actually happy with the title now. Both meanings of revolution do apply to the poem, it's meant as a double entendre. Obviously it means an overthrow, or a coup, which directly links to the poem, and the metaphors of war I used. In fact, I wrote the entire poem suggesting there is a continual battle between these two seasons. Then there is the cyclical aspect, the act of revolving, which is of course what the seasons do. Spring executed in my opinion a very quiet revolution.
You may associate revolution with a unique event, politically or otherwise, but the word in fact does have far broader connotations and isn't to me,a unique happening at all
Anyway, it wouldn't do if we all liked the same things. I'm glad you liked the poem though, I'm pleased with it. Doesn't mean I won't ever edit it, but not for the moment.
Thanks for the comments, always welcome.
Cheers Jane

Eumolpus

Absolutely. In the end, it is a personal offering, and that is totally respected. As a workshop venue, we readers can just make our suggestions which sometimes will resonate and other times not.
Revolution is indeed a big word...like the Beatles, "number 9, number 9, number nine...."

Esker

Esker

7 years 11 months ago

silent revolution...
a tinge of sadness for me
there is always a victor
one way or another
and losses..

I like the title but the last
'silence'..me being me
put in 'stifle'
for up here in boreal old
Ontario there is always
the bit of snow...
the last hurrah before
spring muffles that width
of harsh sound due to the
barren removal of trees
grasses to soften the sounds
'unless the soft strong weather
but then there is usually wind'
just my change...otherwise
a lively wave topped read!

thank u Jane.

w

Esker

Esker

7 years 11 months ago

'stills' I understand that quiet though
the less sounding..the more new of
the renewal of seeing or sensing

W

jane210660

For some reason I've only just seen this.
Thanks for dropping by. I hear exactly what you're saying and yes, I think the word stifle would do very well instead of the last 'silence'. But, it being a triolet and I wanted to stick to the form, It has to be the same as the second line. It is very restrictive, which is why I did it, to see if I could. Jx

S

This reads smooth and unforced for a style with such strict form. Thanks for entering contest.....stan

Rula

Rula

7 years 11 months ago

Little poem dear Jane.
You've absolutely said much in few words and I thought the repeated lines are very effective.
I wrote many triolets before and as I remember you have to keep it in tetrameter all through. Saying this, your poem still perfectly works for the contest. I'm sure you are making the judge's decision a hard one.
Kudos and best of luck dear.