lovedly

May 12, 2017

Exotic is the Night (MAY POETRY CONTEST)

Exotic is the Night

The night is so sweet
so lovely
ever so young
the moon
yes she
from behind the clouds
has just sprung

it's the commencement of spring
in May
in the Northern Hemisphere
they all say,

The stars beyond
the snakelike floating clouds wink
and
make us proud
as we stand on Time's brink

The fragrance of jasmine
the night Queen's spread
make a case for joy
for new lovers to enjoy

The night is like an infant
in my arms
she also is
in her best charms

I keep her warm
she is now my love
just as an infant
in grand pop's arms
her smile charms

the night is as young
as it was
when I too was as youthful

but times keep racing ahead
all that is left
is fragrant memory
of the nights we all enjoyed
as in love we lovingly toyed

as we all train along with time
I call it sublime
the sojourn
ere the lovely night is gone
and
a new day is born

Till then we say
Au Revoir
to dear our lovely night
Love us all
as we delight
in the bubbling youth
of a glowing night

Copy@Lovedly

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

Comments

yeah ....arret Remarks

in French nearly means STOP
but not the ENGLISH
Stop

stop look see and go kind

marvelous input

My mind is in slumber
owing to pain
but there should be no disdain
The poetry is yet prosaic
keeping your inputs
some time tomorrow
I shall employ
and your ideas borrow
till then abide with me

arret arret what ever it may mean
a guy driver won the case
he did not stop at arret
as it did not in actuality
STOP convey

So at places in Canada
arret they have replaced
with STOP

well rest of the poetry
has yet to be streamlined
do if I fail kindly remind
at present in cold storage is my mind
not sharp and fine
owing to the order of some power
they say divine
hopefully my poetry would shine

Dear Audrie

your sincerity
is visual
suggest a title

And
the last stanza I know
it's superficial
out of context..
Since now you have liked it...

yes ...I guess

good wisdom
you profess

One can take a horse to a pond
but none can make it
DRINK

thanks a mighty lot lady Audrie

I will remove the Arret part as you say
and does it fit the menu
for the Contest do say

I really don't in contests partake
as I am always left by the side
of a drying up lake
Well as you say
do convey

shall

but the prize will be yours ok

distillation

the poem is active in the metaphors
and allusion
describing the action in the physical
occurence in memory and
the refractions of its looking back
the tidy little sums of feeling

arret or arreter
could be a title
the striking line
like a poem read
aloud

then the gentle swell
of the heart felt bosum
rising to its climatic
inflection and
fading

like Doppler affect
climax to anti climax
or anti climax to
climax

I like the use of perfume
and snake clouds roiling
along...rattlesnakes
were plentiful in my land
of youth....driving with the
grasses of rolling rock
beaver meadow and jack
pines..rain falling..lightning
on the horizon they would
be laying on the hot pavement
greyed blue and grey with age
like the snakes coat in the
headlights dozing
I would stop the car driving
barefoot with my native kinfolk
wipers knocking
door open...chime pinging
and 'talk' to the serpents.
the natives would say
'there goes Shannon talking
to the snakes again'

they were venomous and
a protected species and if
bitten there was enough
venom to break down the
blood cells to cause serious
damage to the system
and break down to delicate
systems and flesh...
however...with respect
and range they were beautiful
creatures...

thank U

Loved

A great write from you that contradicts your old thing about not reading long poems lol.
Goose and Gander spring to mind not the Newfy Gander either..
One thing I would bring up is that you seemed to drift off a little in the last few stanzas, but it still read well, maybe a little edit..
Take care and the Bard is showing a little here,
Yours Ian..