Silly poem
Fantastic elastic
holds up our underwear.
Without it, big problems
our bottoms would be bare.
The second is a poem I wrote a while back a triolet called 'Old Friend'
It's not 100% dactylic, but I think at least parts of it are.
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame.
No more do you race, no more do you prance
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
No children astride with sword and lance,
Playing their childish game.
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame.
Comments
Hi Gerry
The first poem is not meant to critique at all, just a bit of fun.
I was doing some research on dactylic words and fantastic was on the list. I just took the word and played with it.
As you assume, to my ears and accent, the stress can be put on the first syllable.
To some extent, as Jess said earlier, you can read in a certain way, to stress the appropriate syllables. However, I completely agree with your parsing of it too, so I may have got it entirely wrong. Grins.
The second poem I included to see what Wesley thought. I actually find dactyl hard to write exclusively in. I thought my second poem had some dactyl feet, but wanted to see what our tutor thought.
One of the troubles is, I can't get 'Into the valley rode the six hundred................' out of my brain. Anything I write seems to be (poorly) echoing this.
Anyway, now Wesley has given us our brief, I shall go and do as he asked, so will have to get my thinking cap on and write my dactylic feet in Alexandrines..
For me, that will be tough. I'm not a Dum-da-da girl.
I will leave these two pieces up here though, even if I did jump the gun. They might be a point for discussion................ or not!
I do find it absolutely fascinating how regional accent, let alone international accent differences, can change a word so much.
Jx
our bottoms would be bare.
and
the entire greedy world would share
second half later
when is settled
by u this matter
repetition ...marred the lovely attic rendition
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame
xxxxxxx
repetition ...marred the lovely attic rendition
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sat in the attic whilst sunbeams dance
Upon your wooden frame
Hi Lovedly
The second poem is a triolet. It's a strict form, it has to have the repetition. Ist, 4th and 7th lines are the same. 2nd and 8th lines are the same. Rhyming pattern abaaabab. Can't move from that.
It's fun to try writing one,give it a go. Jx
A cute poem,
but i wait for a real go at the exercise. This should have been submitted to the Stream as is.
my readings
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1I6dHZcLag5
Thanks Jess
I always like to hear someone else read my work, not least because it makes it concrete - real somehow. Also, it often sounds different, than it does in my head.
Yes we had those three kings selling dodgy underware too.
They must have made a packet.
Jx