Like a Leaf on a Breeze

add just a drop!
and the season blooms
condensed...
made my powdered milk
today for coffee
to last till the cheques arrive
one part to four parts water
before it was throw it in
clumped...not caring
follow directs and alas
more daring...
a great poem
your eye and view
sees it in the artistic light
today was beautiful
golden dusk
slow careful drop of flakes

thank U

..

re reading this trying to word it
abstractly
like my friend and I trying to get a
printer going
from a modern laptop
the printer is circa 2007/2008
driver update

its the language isnt it

perhaps..

"and there U sit..
tawny on the barren steeled limbs
flickering golden, a sun on the pane of glass before U

But no sun
not today

This dry grey day
ashen over the frost-rimed grounds
You spin there in ur autumnal glory
trembling in Januarys air
an unlikely reminder
of a pale sun

...

I say this is a pale comparison and it
doesnt really oppose nor applaud the
outline of your work
Much like a cover in music the mere
nuance change only...

I put in spinning...like the sun spins about
us..the old common notion or
we spin about the sun

flutter is more summery..butterflies
flit is the insect vernacular

I liked

"But not sun. Not today"
instead of "no sun. Not today

additions and subtractions with
words changes the value
I really like the original poem
but its my take on how I
have revamped it

I like the theory of the poem
how U see the leaves
..I hear the leaves
Oak leaves..poplars
hissing still in their way
with the pellets of snow
like sleet...almost like
their fuller green lush
sound in summer
as they catch the breeze
of a day or the night wind

I never thought to think
of them as sun fed
and Autumn is my favourite
time and name!

thank U!

-"and unlikely reminder
a pale sun"

because even though the sun
is fierce....its pale to its strength
and might in summer! post-summer

there..finished!

thank U again!

Rhi... is an old poet here
gone away long distance
with her dear

now to read me even
she does not come near
\wildernesses we all endear

i will try with my laps stop

CREATING FROM SCRATCH ...IS THE ARCHITECTS TASK OTHERS ONLY CAN ADD ON
MY UK LAPS STOP SAYS

Like a leaf on a breeze
Submitted by rhiannon1010 on wed, 2016-01-20 18:28

And there you rest,
tawny on the barren
steel limbs,
flickering
like the sun
reflected on the glass pane
in front of you/me
but not the sun
not today
on this dry grey day
with the ashen sky
over the frost-rimmed ground
yet there you sit
in your post autumnal glory,
trembling in the January air
an unlikely reminder
of the sun
that once was

(may be a shade better or a bit worse
in free verse)

dont remember the original but this rework is great!
its dreamy in a way I like
and seasonally atmospheric!

thank U!

The only thing that doesn't seem to fit is "steel limbs".......I suspect you mean limbs that are steely grey but if so you might make that a bit clearer. Just a thought on a good poem........stan

The beauty of a single leaf you have written here, for me tells the story of two season in a glorious way.
Life and death painted so apropos.
You have shown a hidden secret that is not always seen or contemplated upon.
This poem has bought it to the light of day.
Thanks for sharing!

Eddie C.

The beauty of a single leaf .... lovely write

A suggestion - you have used the word 'sun' in each stanza.... too repetative perhaps?
slight changes ??

And there you rest,
tawny on the barren steely limbs,
flickering like sun reflected on the glass pane in front of you.
(a flickering of light reflected.....)

But (it's) not sun. Not today
on this dry gray day
with the ashen sky over the frost-rimed ground.

Yet there you sit in your autumnal glory,
trembling in the January air.
An unlikely reminder of (the sun.) summer

Just imo
love judy
xxx

It may be worth leaving the original poem in place with the later version above it. This would let those who come late to the party see what the discussion is about.

woke up from dreams in the heatwave
filled humidifier..had a smoke
Listening to Chelsea Wolfe

August..Autumn
September the cold and fog
returns...
this heady heat
and stillness will abide

schools return and work
celebrations of harvest
the longer nights and
earlier dusk before
winter proper

for me...Your poetry
is beautiful
I bask in the words
..and I shamelessly
Love what I love
be it music
poetry
etc

Thank U!

there is nothing more for me to say.