This strangely downcast smile,
on marble angel’s lips,
which stands here all the while,
in shadows that eclipse,
beneath a rippled cross,
a dark and baleful sky;
still mourning some great loss,
or does she wonder why
we humans as a rule,
don’t treasure every breath
and live life to the full,
or come to terms with death?
Mar 22, 2017
Angel
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hello Keith,
I'm not very comfortable with rhyme: I'm not very good at it, and usually find myself struggling when I try.
I see that you don't, however. This is really good, smooth, and thoughtful. I don't see anything I would want changed, except for the '...' on line 8, which I think I would prefer on line 7.
Good poetry, keep it up.
I have reconsidered
but have not reached a change of heart. To me the emphasis on how the break should be applied works well enough, although it may not be everyone's ideal, I'm sure they still manage to follow the meaning.
Flawless
wish I had written this
Kudos!!
I could not agree more
what a sad legacy Hollywood with it's dysfunctional "me first" attitude has given the world.
That's a belter Kieth..
And for all us aspiring poets, a good primer on imagery - one for all the Doctor Who fans too, now I'm looking over my shoulder. Enjoyed " we humans as a rule,
don’t treasure every breath" - great work, only a small thing (I do tend to do this too...) the ,,,, can be left out, where a good Dickinsonian "-"or dash does it better, IMHO.
Cheers.
Chris.
I will probably do that
I really was not ever happy with the three dots, to be truthful I'm not at all sure they work well anywhere.
Done.
Excellent...
I agree, that this to me, is the way that rhyme should be; smooth and unhurried. No critique to offer here. Nice job! ~ Gee.
.
Thank you Gee
It is still flattering when one of my humble efforts is accepted.
Thank you Mark
I am a rhymer but it does come naturally, is unforced. I appreciate all and any plaudits.
How to respond?
The poem was meant very much on face value.
As a Jehovah's Witness I look forward to living forever on a paradise Earth.
As the first three chapters of Genesis tells us, God made the Earth for man, why would he let the devil derail his plan?
If you wish to discuss this further please pm me. This is a public forum, hardly one to talk religion.
Baptism
in the Bible was only performed on adults who were capable of understanding the consequences of their dedication. Today, Jehovah's Witnesses carry on that tradition. When you meet one you should know, no one decided for him/her it was a personal choice.
So do the Amish, here in the States,
baptism takes place at age 18, if the person so chooses. Which most do.
Hello Jim
In mentioning the position Jehovah's Witnesses take I was in no way meaning to suggest that they are the only religion that tries to follow christian principles. Unfortunately the truth seems to be that in the hierarchical religions more emphasis is on the church itself rather than Christ's teachings.