Cauldron
by: eddy styx
slowly it began to turn
a ball of madness
sanity on the burn
violence on every page
perversions wedge
to great outrage
humanity on the edge
and open windows
mounting the ledge
to plunge into fiery hell
to demons grasp
on the sounding bell
From scripture they'd been told
would redeem them from
Hell's fire bold
where was this bright shining lord
the one the fanatics
all truly adored
now nowhere in sight
on the precipice
of their darkest night
could it be true the scripture lied
out loud in vain
the people cried
great evil has taken the land
to its burning end
despite protest and demands
and so it ends on a sad note
of the reprisal
with no one left to gloat
Comments
Candlewitch!
I didn't know you were back on the site! It is so good to see you. I will be back to your poem as soon as I can.
Kelsey
Cat, I'm back to your poem, finally
I would say that I am little confused by this stanza:
From scripture they'd been told
would redeem them from
Hell's fire bold
Here I'm expecting to see who it is that scripture says will redeem them, I know it's addressed in the next stanza, but the order and the way that the line goes from "been told" to "would" makes me want a name/noun/something here. Maybe something like "been told / who would redeem them from" would even work to fill that idea in to prep us for the next stanza.
Some ideas for you to ponder for the ending:
Is it just a sad note? Maybe a stronger word or phrase here than "ends on a sad note" because "sad note" doesn't seem to match up with the burning damnation and protest of the previous stanzas..
What is the connetion to the title, Cauldron? Maybe refer back to it at the end?
Who is not left anymore to gloat? The people being protested against? The people protesting?
Hope these ideas helps. I'm so happy to be reading you again and so happy to see that Eddy is still at it!
Hello Eddy
sorry, I am tired at the moment so I simply made a few small adjustments in the hope they might help you think afresh. By the way, I agree with Jerry about changing the tense this starts with. Oh, a fond hello to Candlewitch, please don't be a stranger.
Cauldron
by: eddy styx
slowly it began to turn
a ball of madness
on the burn
violence on every page
perversions wedge
to great outrage
humanity on the edge
and open windows
mount the ledge
then plunge into fiery hell
to demons grasp
on the sounding bell
From scripture they'd been told
would redeem them from
Hell fire’s hold
where was this shining lord
the one the fanatics
all truly adored
now nowhere in sight
on the precipice
of their darkest night
could it be the scripture lied
out loud, in vain
the people cried
great evil overtook the land
to its burning end
despite protest and demands
and so it ends on a sad note
of the reprisal
with no one left to gloat
Hello Mark
I felt compelled to excuse myself because when my brain is clear I always prefer to put forward reasons and explanations for what I write and not offer a take-it or leave-it scenario.