Looks like tomorrow I'll come
With not more but my life
To show, unlike before when love
Can never be seen gazing
Along horizons of the oceans.
I'll sail across a thousand-mile
Latitude and prove me not wrong,
Setting my sights on tomorrow
Where I can see your distinct smile
Guiding me across the pitfalls of dreams.
Comments
If you are "not actively editing" what is the point of feedback?
Just seems odd.
I like the sentiment expressed, especially going to great lengths for love with new sight.
A few minor suggestions, take em or leave of course.
With not more but my life
With not more than my life
To show, unlike before when love
Can never be seen gazing [change of tense]
To show, unlike before, when love
Could never be seen gazing
I'll sail across a thousand-mile
Latitude and prove me not wrong, [crossing a phrase to the next line is called enjambment, it can be a useful device if used with purpose, but here it feels a bit awkward]
perhaps
I'll sail south a thousand miles
New latitudes will prove me not wrong,
[or north but south has the alliteration, across implies a change of longitude, just to be picky 8)]
Actually, the more I read it the more I like it, simple and effective.
Haha well if you have a
Haha well if you have a problem with "not actively editing" tell the admins to remove that from the Editing Stage option..
I said it just seems odd.
What did you think of the rest of my comments?
Thank you for your suggestion
Thank you for your suggestion but I have to reject them.
They seem to be quite off the key.
You are a good poet but arogant....You have to leave your ego
You are a good poet but arrogant....You have to leave your ego a side and just take a second and think of the suggestion that offered from expert poets around.
Show some respect to the other suggestions and Don't laugh at it.what a shame for you as a poet you did above there.
hmm mona maybe you could just
hmm mona maybe you could just review the first comment and understand who's the one being arrogant. I'm merely reacting to the level of antagonizing.
"I'm merely reacting to his
"I'm merely reacting to his level of antagonizing?"
Please show me where he antagonizes, Dennis:
weirdelf
January 22, 2011
"If you are "not actively editing" what is the point of feedback?
Just seems odd.
I like the sentiment expressed, especially going to great lengths for love with new sight.
A few minor suggestions, take em or leave of course.
With not more but my life
With not more than my life
To show, unlike before when love
Can never be seen gazing [change of tense]
To show, unlike before, when love
Could never be seen gazing
I'll sail across a thousand-mile
Latitude and prove me not wrong, [crossing a phrase to the next line is called enjambment, it can be a useful device if used with purpose, but here it feels a bit awkward]
perhaps
I'll sail south a thousand miles
New latitudes will prove me not wrong,
[or north but south has the alliteration, across implies a change of longitude, just to be picky 8)]
Actually, the more I read it the more I like it, simple and effective".
This one
{"If you are "not actively editing" what is the point of feedback?
Just seems odd.}
As you can see I only reacted to this line and not his critique. I even thanked weirdelf for them eventhough I didn't oblige to his suggestion.
Well I can't really please everybody.
I see
I believe everyone has the right to take or refuse other people's suggestions. All belongs to you from the beginning to the end
Only your name will be there on your poems
Regards
The "haha" thing is not about
The "haha" thing is not about his suggestion. It's about his comment on my "not actively editing".
I don't see how I'm being arrogant there.
If anyone is looking for
If anyone is looking for folks without arrogance, they should visit a soup kitchen, a leper colony, a rehab center, a hospital wing filled with dying patients, or an orphanage....not a poetry site.
~A,
I’m totally open to any suggestion, I did not take yours but I..
I’m totally open to any suggestion, I did not take yours but I choose another one which is more near from the main idea of my poem and all poets agree except you.
If you are thinking that your words are Holy then you are wrong… lady.
And yes everyone has the right to accept or reject, BY Showing some respect.
Do state your findings. I
Do state your findings. I appreciate any feedback. :)
I'll bear in mind to not to select the "not actively editing" tab. Sorry about the ruckus.
Editing Stage has options.
Editing Stage has options.
Editing - rough draft
Editing - draft
Editing - polished draft
Not actively editing
This piece, and most of the pieces I post here has been written some time ago. Thus, I have to indicate I'm "not actively editing". I don't see any problem with the selection. It does not mean that it is un-editable.
The selection here is "not ACTIVELY editing", not "not editing". I merely reacted to his comment on my "not actively editing". I don't see why you guys think I'm not open to critique. Weirdelf elaborated his suggestions. I thanked him for his although I did not oblige because it's not to my liking.
Thanks for the time and understanding to explain these things. I really appreciate it.