To stop feeling resentful toward someone for an offense,
Or to cease to think of or consider? I'm way too tense
When it comes to having to choose either or;
When my muse at it's leisure morns;
Not being able to let go, with my instability saying I should let it show
Perchance that others will make sound practical judgement
When it comes to understanding my anguish, without sanction.
Saddened because I see reluctance. Dreams of what wasn't.
Doesn't this clarify what not to choose?
Dec 13, 2016
Neutral Ground
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My life story is the unwillingness to choose sides. I would greatly appreciate all honesty and respect on this one. So many have faced this pain and I took the liberty to make their pain more mine.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I like this a lot.
line 4 did you mean mourns?
Smacks a little bit of (dare I say?) "To be or not to be".
I understand your dilemma thoroughly but as Confucious say
"Man who sits on fence gets splinters in bum"
Perhaps you could do some trimming to enhance its prosodic qualities.
Thank you and yes I did mean
Thank you and yes I did mean mourn. I didn't realize it was spelled wrong.
Even if you do nothing you still have made a choice
Very impressive piece put together very well
Strikes to the heart with many emotions
Keep up the good work
It is true that even if you
It is true that even if you don't choose, you still make a choice. That realization alone is another difficulty to cope with. Thank you for your time and comment.
life on the bench
hockey....coaches...trainers..stars...
i never played....bad bad asthma
like I could have died type..
no sports..no gleeful smashing into the boards
fights....winning shot..
puck handling...high sticking!
sitting on the bench
asthma gone...and I sat on the fence
and yes...splinters in my ass..
wanted to do no wrong but cant do no
right without risk...
fear is risk
but risk is fear
Only my women would shove me
literally kick my ass out the door..
Kid was good at this...
haul off with her ninety five pound
frame and boot me into action..
Stop waffling...ha ha...get it do it!
my back would clunk into place
better then chiropracty!
same with the other women.
Screaming at me..Like the
seargent....
while I shivered with all the
incoming coming in..
sometimes U just gotta
move...then they know
what you are made of
And U find out what your
made of...
errors in choice..Oh man..
Im a bastard sometimes..
some doozies..
cant take it back
but to take it now..
let em berate me
they still love me
some of them..
some not...and I dont have
to love everyone...
personal choice
and opinion....
but I would rather
be haunted by
some poor choices
then that helpless
feeling by not
being a team player
out there even if my
side is being wiped
by the other side...
ha ha..
"u gave it ur best shot man..
even if U scored on our own
goalie..ha ha..classic!"
great poem...lived it..
joy is now Im making decisions
and risk taking but Ive had a lot
of grooming and help!
hard ass now instead of splintered ass...
ha ha...
thank U jzamel
never would have admitted this
without your poem!
very brave!
Mr Wolf!
I am especially grateful that
I am especially grateful that my write helped you be open about a similar fault that I have faced. Helps me to be more open and accepting of myself. Thank you for your time and comment.