I guess I'm running a fever
despite hydrating with the thoughts of the reaper
every soul should give them self to me
only I can help the grief
by ending it, forgetting the racism
neverminding the fake and any other ism
especially carrying the prism highly
while fools cry please
no more money, power, respect
is only for cowards left
with no choice but to give in
ignorance lead by a false third eye
dividends making women of men
my question is what is a citizen?
Sep 26, 2016
Politics
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Maybe you had to post this from a phone
Maybe you meant-
I guess I'm running a fever
despite hydrating with the thoughts of the reaper
every soul should give them self to me
only I can help the grief
by ending it, forgetting the racism
neverminding the fake and any other ism
especially carrying the prism highly
while fools cry please
no more money, power, respect
is only for cowards left
with no choice but to give in
ignorance lead by a false third eye
dividends making women of men
my question is what is a citizen?
Beautiful, powerful poetry, thank you
Pumba
Thank you
Thank you
I think Pumba only meant to help,
not change your poetry, which I really like in the formatted form.
It is so much more reader friendly, do you want that?
And makes for a really powerful poem.
I only question the line-
dividends making women of men
what do you mean by that?
What i mean when i say that
What i mean when i say that 'dividends are making women of men' is how money or the number of followers on social media is becoming a mans reason to become vindictive and complacent with being popular. men are becoming more about what others think of them or what's trending now. letting their emotions guide instead of their logic.
You really think that
for women money or the number of followers on social media is a reason to become vindictive and complacent with being popular? That women are more about what others think of them or what's trending now? Women let their emotions guide instead of their logic?
If so you're a braver man than I am, Gunga Din.
With bravery comes poetry....
With bravery comes poetry......
interesting poem and following comments....
emotion over logic
Heard this over and over...
in counselling...radio shows..
self help sessions..
true...the more stabler 0f "Men"
operate on logic...
and from my ten year study
along with the new age teen
Wanting to be accepted and
get the most hits and survive
the bitches and pervs to get
into that spotlight was the
mainframe logic..Logic dictated
by Emotion!!
this election isnt logic
presidential one...side note
Nirvana wrote a song called
"Sappy" cobain was quite bright
and talented and emotional
he should have been logical
worked in some decent low
key job and still been alive...
but I wouldnt have my Nirvana
tunes to crank....which I
feel very emotional About!
im like all over the place..
a product of the times..
but Im working at the Logic
part...
and actually getting some
intertia!
self help...tons of money for
women support now in our city
and they just ran out of money
for mens talk self this that group
programs run out..
Men just want to suffer in silence
Ah we can do it...
wind up explode..
Boom..
but suppose this can change
or not...
times are a changing
..
into what I dont know
but I think Logical
might be the most
logical choice!!
Thank U for the poem
about very real and relatable
issues today..
Mr Eagle!
Thank you
Thank you