The way home
Is not always found
On the road
Or just traveling around
The way home
Is a mental state
Created by longing
Hope and a little fate
A smell from a kitchen
The sounds of children
Playing in a yard
Seem familiar and common
The lake, park
Or a diner
On Sunday morning
With my father
A picture in the mind
Of somewhere safe
With happy people
Who were so kind
There are times
That we don’t see
Where home is at
For lack of a key
That lost moment
In a world that has forgotten.
Feeling abandoned,
Like an enfant
Some how
The power of a memory
Takes us straight back
And so abruptly
Isn’t it wonderful!!
Comments
true
'Is a metal state' did you mean mental?
Might I suggest that some negative associations might add to the robustness of the piece?
Jess,
Yes Mental is correct, as I always say. "Run away fingers"
I have taken your suggestion and added the negative associations.
Thanks brother!
Eddie C.
Just my opinion, of course
I feel the piece is stronger now. Good revisions.
Jess,
It still needs more work...
Eddie C.
Sorry Eduardo,
but I didn't much care for it as poetry. I love the theme and the vignettes are compelling, but it isn't poetry in my ear.
This is a "list" poem and I'm not crazy about it.
You are right!
Didn't care for it much myself, just wrote it and decide to post it as is. I will return to it and make some changes that will make it sound like poetry.
Eddie C.
Thanks for the visit feel better!
love the concept Eddie
I hope you do work on this to give it a more poetic leaning
lol - this is one I'd love to play with
I look forward to what you do with it
love judy
xxx
Eddie
I liked the theme as well as the message...
Regards,
raj,
Thank you, it is appreciated!
Eddie C.