vandiemenspeak
vandiemenspeak
Jul 03, 2016

Beloved bloody river.

The rivulets now thinned
from bulge to scampering
water, tapering down.

Copper blood colour flows
from tails the mountain told
of floods past, before the dry.

It's drills, puddle-fills
paradiddles of wet
percussive laughter.

Longing for the river,
then the sea, I walk against
the current,

but my mind electric, flows
back down, among the
moss and stone.

Awaiting sand coloured light
of evening and the gloaming
light to roam.

It's winter here, but smells
like spring, with wet
sod and turf and air.

That earth-perfumery fills
every scared cell,
until I’m eased to silence.

Then up from the track,
down the valley clear:
where voices of people suddenly appear,
and your story ends.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hobart town Rivulet, finally running after much needed rain and snow.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Tasmania,Australia,Earth,Solar Systems,Milky way,Pint of Guniess, AUS

Favorite Poets: Glen Richards

More from this author

Comments

lovedly

i in hast read lover
I thought twas a poetry
on lovedly

so many compose on me
i follow you
do you follow me
have you ever read my waffly poetry
do kindly
at times it s fragrance spreads far and wide
but only at times

sOME one asked me of colours this was my view

ONLY THE BACKGROUND COLOUR
OUGHT NOT TO BE YELLOW
ITS FOR COWARDS

USE COLOURs BRIGHT
RED OR GREEN MAY BE BLUE
THE SKY'S EVERLASTING HUE
how did I do!

vandiemenspeak

The tails the mountain tells, refer to the "tailings" or piles left over from mining, which in a flood still give the river colour a bloody hue to my eye, regardless of this, the music of the water as it dances and sings and flows can be heard in as many ways as you like.

Take care,

Chris :)

DiPrima

I really like your turns of phrase -- "... from bulge to scampering water" ... "... paradiddles of wet percussive laughter." Your end note about the Hobart rivulet running after much needed rain and snow helped me understand the meaning of your poem. My only suggestion is to introduce the idea of "drought" early on, then it will become obvious that the rest that follows is the relief thereof.
Well done. Thank you.

Mike

vandiemenspeak

in the second verse Mike, gives context to the tail the mountain told - and rightly gives it more narrative consistency as in the dry to the great wet, something we know only too well down under - thanks for your input.

Chris.

weirdelf

a new word for me (a rare occurrence for me, not bragging, just a large vocabulary, I never fail to look up words I don't know) and brilliantly used.
Love the poem, sorry, no crit, quite a gem.

vandiemenspeak

Being a drummer ;) don't know what came first, tapping out drum patterns probably pre-dates my interest in poetry, and is an obvious stepping stone to studying patterns of syllables in metrical beats, I suppose..

Thanks, means a lot coming from you.

Cheers.

Chris.