I'm in a strange place at the moment,
a no man's limbo land.
My muse has sidled stage left,
cut me loose and let me drift.
She's left me wanting,
exposing my frailty,
revealing an impostor,
a charlatan,
a fraud.
My thoughts are distant
so completely muffled
I can barely hear them, much less connect.
Words do not serve
but dance mockingly ahead,
taunting and jibing,
leaving my mind unsaid.
In sheer frustration
I drag them out, force them to perform
which of course they do,
in a half hearted way.
The computer screen glows
and the coffee cups mount
and I can not find
what I need to say.
Jun 20, 2016
Block Doc
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jane
Look inward and in that place of peace you will find that the best muse is your own think.
We worry too much about Muses, most to me seem to play games and to play with thoughts, is not a good thing to do.
There in the quiet of your ways is a journey that you will take with words, strung out in order, it is just the seeing that we need, Yours Ian, x
Thanks Ian, wise words as
Thanks Ian, wise words as ever. I'm not panicking at the moment, because I think I'm probably just a bit pre occupied with health issues and I'm not getting out and about like usual. Will be back up to my old speed very soon :-) Jxx
Lovely! Love your poem and
Lovely! Love your poem and it felt pretty satisfying and complete.
Simply from my perspective - for what it is worth - I thought that you may like to consider deleting much of the punctuation (commas, full stops) as it runs quite prose-like, and perhaps with line breaks it will achieve the same and seem more poetic?
Just a thought.
Regards. Eleanor
PS I love to hear what inspires others and yes, we all get those times when the creative juices don't seem to flow as well so this is a topic one can relate too. Sometimes it is that we have been over or under-stimulated in life or plain weary - when corrected things flow again :)
That is very true, in my case
That is very true, in my case I'm not doing much whilst I wait to go into hospital for heart problems, so I think it's lack of stimulation and being a bit pre occupied with other more pressing issues :-) Jx
An editing possiblity
I'm in a strange place
at present (replaces 'at the moment' as more elegant, succinct)
a no man's
limbo land
(My) muse has sidled
stage left
cut me loose
(and) let me drift
marooned (was 'She's left me wanting')
exposed my frailty (past tense as in the opening manner)
leaving (revealing) an impostor
(a) charlatan
(a)fraud
(My) thoughts are distant
(so completely) muffled
(I) barely heard (was 'can barely hear them' - make rest on next line)
(much less) nor connect (or 'nor relate') (delete full stop)
words rebel (replaces 'do not serve' as more poetic
(but) dance mockingly ahead
taunting (and)
jibing
leaving my mind
unsaid
(In) sheer frustration
(I) drags them out ('drag' would become 'drags')
forces them
to perform (slight change; was 'force them to perform')
which of course
they do
in a half hearted
way
(The) computer screen glows
(and the) coffee cups mount
and still (replaces 'and I can not find, what I need to say)
the words
elude
.
Edit Option (without parentheses)
a strange place
looms
no man's
limbo land
muse defects
stage left
cuts me loose
lets me drift
left aside
marooned
exposes frailty
impostor sits
charlatan
fraud
thoughts distant
muffled
barely heard
severed
words rebel mock
dance ahead
taunts
jibes
leave my mind
unsaid
frustration
drags them out
forces
action now
which of course
they do
wayward children
dragging heels
computer screen glows
coffee cups mount
and still
the words
elude
Hiya. I like your suggestions
Hiya. I like your suggestions and will twiddle around, but the last version is very much not me and to my mind has lost the essence of what I wanted to say and how I say it. Having said that, I would rather people jumped in and offered up help and suggestions, otherwise everything becomes stale and there is no progression. Thanks for taking so much time, I shall now wander off and tweak :-) Jx
re my edit options
You're dead right! I was thinking as I was doing the edits options that this was turning into how I would write and was losing the great flavor you have in how you write. Thanks for being magnanimous and as you say, we can find some stimulus with other ideas, but in the end we do what works for us and expresses who we are and what we really wanted to say. Have a beautiful day! :)
I wish we had a like button :
I wish we had a like button :-) Jxx
mmm
good write on writer's block. Love the way you put it.
Alid
Thanks Alid, nice to hear
Thanks Alid, nice to hear from you. Jx
Seems to me...
that you corralled your thoughts and made them perform like good little words. Sometimes, things just don't go as we think they should and then when we are about to give up, they skip around and act like The Three Stooges; joining forces to make something funny and somehow in sync. I liked this take on writer's block. ~ Gee.
Hi Gee
I corralled them and then beat them into submission :-)
Thanks for reading and comenting, it's nice to hear from you. Jxx
re your comment
made me smile - that's just what we do - beat them into submission! :)
coffee cups mount....
i oft am left alone too muse....
or amuse less..
I lean back in the battered old
chair...
"Anytime now!!" but they only show
when they want too
fickle creatures...
excellent poem during idle wants
like doing kareoke and going blank
(I used too sing american pie...creep
hank williams....a few others I could
manage sans high notes..I improvised)
they will return....bored they love us
mortals cause their fickle as I said..
thank U!
Singing!
What ever talents I have, singing is not one of them - doesn't stop me mind, but even the dog leaves the room.
One evening out with friends we went into a pub that had a karaoke night. My friend David is an excellent blues musician and is pretty good with the vocals. I was a little bit pissed (the English version, which means drunk) and he put my name down. Honestly it wasn't necessary to hear me sing to make him look good. But in my ego boosted alcoholic state I went along with it. Of all the songs I could have chosen, Jolene was probably not the ideal one........
I still haven't recovered from the embarrassment. Jxx
Aw... I know it wasn't
Aw... I know it wasn't directed towards me, but I've sure been in that space where I sang at some do and they turned everyone else's mike off and left mine on they said after as I was the only one who could sing (was prob the best of a bad lot). It was 'Material Woman' which was easy for anyone to put gusto into...but then I tried to sing Barb Streisand later on in the night and made a complete hash of it... no one has her kind of voice...! We learn, hey...and yes, I haven't recovered from the embarrassment either...lol
Lol
No it was in response to Esker's tale, but yours is equally as blood curdling as mine :-) Jxx
lol! sure felt hair-raising
lol! sure felt hair-raising and lingers to curtail any repetition :-) Exx