It's coldness that sickens her
the most as it crept in through
the inattentive walls and
started to lurk like a ghost.
It's coldness that sickens her the most;
it wove webs around her thoughts,
and put her brilliant furnace out.
It wore her old silk robes
-the older ones, you know;
those that once danced
in the closet of love.
Today she can finally sit
on the torpor's throne
and wear the lethargy's crown
as she's been admitted there
through the steps of indifference.
Last Few Words: Not my cup of tea as a theme, yet an attempt for the workshop. I welcome any comments as a poem in general even from theose who are not participants. Thanks in advance!
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Rula...this poem is nice
Hi Rula...this poem is nice but not sure if it fits into the workshop guideline of Alvin where he wants us to write something about abandonment rather than indifference which I believe is the emotion you have captured in this poem.....dont go by my perception though because I could be wrong...listen to what others would surely comment...
Regards,
thank you raj
I am not sure as well. I thought indifference could be another face for abandonment, or what I thought. I could be completely wrong.
Rula
This one held its meaning well and the use of abstract words flowed well.
I await the others play on the quest,
Yours Ian..x
Thank you dear Ian
Thank you dear Ian
I'm happy to know that you think this meets the workshop quest.
As I said not my cup of tea and this what Scott wanted us to do. That is to write something out of our comfort zone.
I am as well waiting for my grade lol. Hope it's not an 'F'