Far above frozen clouds crumble
and send their pieces down below
in flakes which dodge and slowly tumble
as the winter cold winds blow.
My felt hat turns from tan to white
as I go about my evening chores
in January's fading light.
I check the stall's and old barn's doors.
Then climb into the drafty loft
to heave hay bales down to the ground
hoping that their landing's soft
not breaking twine with which they're bound.
The cattle low in the brown pasture
having seen me come this way
so they trot here, each one sure
that they will all get their share of hay.
In the gloom their backs are white
matching the ground cloaked with snow.
If this storm lasts throughout the night
they'll bed there where dense cedars grow.
I check the water in the trough
which has begun to slowly freeze
so I turn the valve to "off",
look straight up, suddenly sneeze.
Chores now done I turn toward home
down the lane through grey bare trees
standing stark in swirling gloam.
I smell home's fire on chilly breeze.
The pasture gate yields with a groan
which startles an old doe nearby
whose snorts drift through the pines which moan
joined by a coyote nearby,
In earnest the snow begins to fall
just as I top the final hill;
upon ascending it I stall
seeing glowing windows near the rill.
Smoke drifts from the wood stove's stack
then flees away on northern wind
bringing hints of supper on its back
as dim day races toward its end.
I inhale a breath of the crisp air
and pause... taking the surroundings in
knowing I'd not choose to be elsewhere.
I smile and continue home again.
Comments
re: stanzas 3-6 and 8
re: stanzas 3-6 and 8
they don't actually move the story along, which is important to the reader.
They feel like filler, though not badly written.
sometimes the hardest thing for a writer is "killing off his darlings" as someone once noted (I can't remember his name) referring to the pruning of a piece.
I think the poem reads fine enough, and the sentiment feels real, so I don't know why it was ignored...but It happens to the best (rest) of us too.
Just how I see it...but I don't have the best eyesight in the world, so, of course, leave it up to you
keep on,
Hi Al
I've become aware of my tendency to ramble a bit so thanks for the heads up that I'm doing so with this one. I almost always go back and edit stuff so I'll keep your remark in mind when I do this one. Appreciate your dropping by........stan
I enjoyed joining you
while you did your chores in that winter cold Stan
(Mind you, I'm nicely rugged up here in winter Perth - well almost winter, still officially autumn, I think,. But it is cold and stormy and gale force winds expected)
But, I'm sad to say that my enjoyment was a little distraced by that damn MM who lives with me. She jabbed me in the ribs a few times... the bitch :-)
Love judy
xxx
MM
Without that darned meter maid I'd be even more unmetrical than I am lol. So don't cuss her too badly. Thanks for the visit and feedback..........stan
you know Stan
you must enforce two kinds of poetry on neo
SNOW MAN AND ESKER AND IAN STYLE ''''''EPICURIAL....>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>............
the rest 14 to 20 lines
I can't get past
14 lnes
so sonnets
alone are lovely
Hi Loved
I'm trying recently to keep my stuff from running so long but if you are waiting for me to tackle sonnets again you have a long wait lol. I suck at sonnets and know I suck at them..........stan
no .....not necessarily sonnets
just 14 to 20 lines
I have observed on so many sites
all read smaller ones only
thanx Stan
Hi loved
Sometimes it takes a longer poem to either set the mood or tell a story. But then sometimes something as short as a Haiku is perfect in capturing a "snapshot" of life.......stan
Stan
you always reason out things O man
and you maintain your stand as ur alone are S T A N ......add a D if u wish