Watching the rhythmic rise and fall
of the breathing,
of the man
that was my Dad.
The family sitting in various positions
of anxiety.
Holding their breath
with each uncoordinated spasm and jerk.
Occasional disjointed speech,
riddles and ramblings.
drifting in and out,
slow, slurred words
struggle to form.
A different breathing pattern
deeper,
peaceful ,
drops back to shallow,
monitored by anxious eyes.
Brief bouts of agitation.
he can't explain,
stressed.
Then back to sedate slumber.
The wind outside howls
in contrast to the heavy silence
of this small room.
We are all watching,
waiting,
wondering
how long now?
The collector of souls stands
somewhere near the door.
A new day dawns
but time has lost her markers.
Hour rolls into hour
in an endless stretch.
in the dimness of the room
the clock has no meaning.
Halting breaths,
a pause,
breathing resumes.
''We're here Dad,
we are all here.''
And the man that was my Dad
gently passes
to the next room.
Comments
I really like this poem
I recently threw away a comment about a poem because I could find nothing kind to say. It was effectively two simple sentences broken up with meaningless line breaks. This is different. Nothing meaningless about these breaks. Congratulations, I'm a rhymer and may tend to be overly critical of free versers. Actually I have, I think, succeeded twice now in writing poems of that form. And thereby hangs the rub, too many free versers fail to realise it must have form, not just line breaks. So once again, thanks for sharing. The imagery follows through from start to end.
Thank you
Thank you Keith. I was hoping I used the pattern of writing to reinforce the emotions of the moment.
I know just what you mean by random, ill placed line breaks. they irritate me too. So much so, I wrote a poem about it............... Jx
Jane
A grand welcome to Neopoet and I hope that you enjoy time with us..
That you have written this as what seems to be closure of your grief.
That you remember each moment is hard on the thoughts, to write of them is harder.
Your Dad will never be more than a thought away is our belief, and as both my parents have sort of left they to me are there alongside me all I have to do is call them.
Lovely write and I look forward to your later works.
Yours ian..
To Ian
Again thank you for your kind words.
I actually wrote this in the hospital, as Dad was dying. My family wondered what on earth I was doing (they are not in tune with their literary side) I think they thought I was on Facebook!
I felt the need at the time, to catch the essence of what we were all going through, not the essence of Dad, but of the moment. I knew I wouldn't be able to capture all of it if I went back after to write it, so I did it there and then.
My way of coping I suppose. Jxxx
Jane
That you do things like this write, and no matter what, complete what you needed to, is excellent in my view.
Not that you want to recall each moment of that day or dwell on its happenings.
A way of coping with such a loss takes many into differing realms.
You take care not to dwell, but remember those days before that were precious to both of you, those times when that fleeting smile made you warm and close, take care young lady and know that there are many that walk with you always, Yours Ian..
Ian
xxx
Hi Jane
I could feel the anxiety, worry and overwhelming emotions in this poem - This is an amazing snap shot into a collective family coming together to support a beloved father in his last hours. Your words are open, honest and indicative of the atmosphere as it occurred in real time. So lovely that you all supported your father and each other!
Thank you for sharing :)
LOve to you and yours
Mand xxxx
Thank you
Thank you for reading it Mand and you have seen exactly what I was trying to capture. Jx
the endings.....
I survived with my dad.....the divorce when the fam worked..their mortage..
their families jobs and many chums..
I had a brief few...dug in deep to their lifes jagged groups..
I sat with him before the triple by pass....which is lived through
his wife...everyone off with partners...
save I at the time..
always on again and off with my women..
but just sitting there with his puffs of breath
his cat on his lap
much like he did when I was ill as a child..
colds..asmthma
at least I did that much
though I did not see my parents through
to the end
my sister brother banded up then
but so it goes..
a good concice write on a topic of existence
the honor of being there..
when they needed U
thank U
Esker
Thank you, it was from my heart. Jx
I felt...
the tension and the wanting it to be over. Not because anyone was impatient to see him go, but for the struggle to be over and him to be at peace. Nice work in conveying that. ~ Gee
Geezer
This reply is so late, it's unforgivable.I'm sorry, I don't know how I missed you.
I'm really glad you got the tension, because it was unbearable and yes, we all wanted him to go but at the same time didn't want to let him go. If that makes sense.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Jx
You made me recall my dad years gone by with your permission
Dad O dad!
''O brother dad is not speaking
rushed in my sister waking me
I saw dad
he'd told me to do something
privately,
I did
I could see him smile
but he conveyed
the delay was not mistaken
till night he sat still
motionless....
The doc came to see at midnight and said
Why did you not stop him, he’d already left
for another universe
without a doc or nurse
Beautiful
Thank you for this precious snapshot, it's very moving. Jxx
truth only lies
in the eyes of beholders
and as I now see
you are one who
so many hearts has won
in such a minuscule expanse of time
by which most and many
simply learn to rhyme...
well done
all Neopoets have
thee welcomed
xxx
Thank you