raj
Apr 29, 2016

Eroscapes

A smile as sweet as a choco lick
soaked in a juicy peachy blush
a form with curves like a meandering river
rushing in its youthful prime

Eyes which sparkle and instantly ignite
a passion with their seductive charm
lighting up somewhere deep within
fires of smouldering desires

Lips so lucid moistened with dew
softer than the rosy primes
ready to be writ on their velvety petals
verses with ecstatic chimes

The only blemish if there is one
is being wrapped in a see through robe
I wish that the brush had eased its throes
after painting your shapely toes

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

8 years 12 months ago

A very descriptve piece indeed. I've got an image of a houri but you know you've eluded me with that title as it's not listed in the dictionary, but I can anticpiate what you wanted.

R

raj

8 years 12 months ago

Thank you Rula...

appreciate your visit and comment...

Regards,

Rula

Rula

8 years 12 months ago

I think the lady on demand must be v . happy with it.
On my second read however, I noticed two "primes". I thought she must be really a wow :)

R

Thank you for coming back and dropping a comment...

haha..the lady in demand?...if you read the last stanza it's about a painting..

this was in fact an attempt at not crossing the line without compromising with the passion...

Regards,

Rula

Rula

8 years 12 months ago

In many ways which is an advantage, I believe.
The brush could be of the creator's. Or at least how I read it.

R

You are spot on...that's the abstract part of the poem...in fact i wanted to know if it's perceived both ways...thanks for the confirmation..

Regards,

weirdelf

and a restrained use of simile preferring metaphor. Much more effective, it always sounds silly to me when someone says 'a smile like juicy peaches'.
Lovely, eloquent use of language, Raj.
My only crit is that the last verse has, to me, a taint of moral overtones. There is nothing wrong with the complete revelation of the human form, the holding back is a bit like saying the burkah makes women more sexy. Mystery is not an attraction in itself, in fact it the mystification of human form tends towards objectifying it more than revelation does.