Some trees grow up tall and straight
untouched by storms and wind.
Others have a different fate
they break or bow or bend.
Then both are cut and hauled away
from their hollow or windy hill
never more to sigh and sway,
they find their fate at the saw mill.
the tall straight trees yield even grain
in the boards that come from them.
They show no swirls when given stain,
no trace of knots from an old limb.
The trees which bear the scars of strife
with crooked grain and dense knots too
give their boards a bit of life
when finished and then left to view.
Are not people like a tree
in that the most interesting ones
have seen both joy and tragedy
before the setting of their sun?
Comments
The title was apt...
but a little cliché. As always, I like the theme and it was held together very well from beginning to end. Your language is never a problem, but I see a place where you could use a different word.
[they break or bow or bend]. I think that if you use [and] rather than the second [or] it would sound a bit better. Always rough on your rhythm, but I think maybe that is part of your charm. ~ Gee.
Hi Geeze
Kinda sad when imperfection becomes cliche' isn't it ? lol. As to rhythm you are correct that this needs work which it Will get over time. Thanks for dropping by........stan
Some thoughts
This poem has a very effective allegory and is written with a generally sound rhythm. The pity is that where that rhythm falls short is in the very first line. It needs an extra beat. My first thought was, both tall and straight but you would not want the repeat on the first line of the second verse. How about, Some trees grow tall and pencil straight? Second verse, I would use a comma after hollow. It is not necessary gramatically but the forced pause separates the two thoughts. Now about that fourth line, too many beats. How about using a contraction, their fate’s at the saw mill. Having established six beats ending the first two verses, it appears the third is overdressed. No knots from an old limb. Similar problem in next verse, maybe, when dressed and left to view. The last line will work with a double beat at it’s start if you simply drop the before setting. You could make it even tidier if you allow ere to replace before.
Hi Keith
Always good to see a new face pop up. I'm aware that most of my stuff is pretty raw as far as rhythm goes when I first post it. No exception here lol. I DO edit all my stuff over time though and your suggestions are most welcome. Appreciate your coming by.........stan