Wide watching green eyes dart around
a child among those getting grey with age.
At last allowed inside this club,
a first turning of my young life's page.
Sitting silent on a splintered bench
on a chill November day.
Father, uncle, older cousins,
brother, most now have their say.
The air is thick with drifting smoke,
hand rolled cigarettes, pot bellied stove,
but thicker with camaraderie
as the men tell tales, a treasure trove.
All gathered after morning's hunt
them drinking coffee, me a coke.
Kenneth got a six point buck!
"purest luck!" his friends all joke.
And I munch on saltine crackers
some with cold cuts, some hoop cheese.
Way back in nineteen sixty four.
A time now passed like errant breeze.
Comments
Stan
Great (subtle) title.
Love the words and images.
It's just that the meter is just too rough for me to get in the flow. Especially with jumping back and forth between accented and unaccented feet to start the lines.
Think it has loads of potential, though.
Thanks
Hi Scott
Yeah, it's pretty rough isn't it? but I figured I'd jot it down and post it before the muse fled lol. I'll keep tinkering with it............stan
It wasn't me...
this time! I just laughed and said; " That's Stan for ya!" Got a hell of a rhyme there, but... I hope you do work this one a little bit, I love the tale of the elders passing down the hunting skills and tales.
~ Gee.
Hi Geeze
I just gave it a few little changes and expect I'll come back with others. Appreciate your dropping by......stan
I like...
the changes and the story is still great and a bit better for them. Nice job as usual! ~ Gee.
Thanks Gee
I am always going over my stuff, new and old, trying for improvement. I'm pleased you think the changes here are for the better.......stan