Tell me, Oh tell, where does love dwell
Is there on earth a place with grace
Tell me, oh tell, where all goes well
Can that e're be? Is there a place
Tell me, oh tell, I'm full of hell
I need to see a happy face.
When wars and hate would veil the face,
there is no place for peace to dwell.
The earth becomes a **** hell,
and keeps no place on earth with grace.
I tell you earth is not the place,
and all with vile just go so well.
Tell me, oh tell, where all goes well
I need to see a happy face.
Can't that e're be? Ain't there no place
Tell me,oh tell, where does love dwell
if there's no place on earth for grace,
tell me, oh tell, I'm full of hell.
Away from earth, away from hell,
come on, let's see, where we'll do well.
Let me tell you, we'd live in grace,
where all would have a happy face,
where love and peace can really dwell,
I can tell you, there is a place.
Can that e're be? Is there a place
Tell me, oh tell, I'm full of hell.
Please tell, oh tell, where does peace dwell
Tell me, oh tell, where all goes well.
I need to see a happy face,
but there's no place on earth with grace.
It is where all shall live in grace.
The Heaven is your yearning place,
There you would see the happy face,
just far away from the earth's hell,
and everything would go just well,
where love and peace shall always dwell.
In mother's face you'll find the grace.
where love and peace just fill the place,
for she's the well that puts down hell.
Comments
Salam, Rula
"Can that e're be? is there such place"
I don't know if it's just me or is that a mistake. That last 2 words seems to be missing an "a" in between them. Apart from that, I'm envious of your skill. I don't know how to correct mine. It's giiving me a headache. One another thing, does the end words really need to rhyme?
Alid
Salam Khalid
Thank you for your comment.
The "e're" is the contaction of ever for the meter's sake . I don't get you what are the last two words that miss the "a"
And as for the ending words, the answer is no, they don't need to rhyme.
Thank you brother. Appreciate your visit.
Salam, Rula
No I don't mean the "e're"
Can that e're be? is there such ''a'' place.
I thought both "such " and "place" are stressed words.
Alid
Salam Khalid
To my ear they are ok.
Rula
Sorry to interject but I know what Alid means that line needs an 'a' [such place] ? sounds wrong on my tongue and two stressed words need something to hold the form of the idea together in my mind. such a place sounds much better but I can see that might be an issue with the syllable count.
but on the whole this is a beautiful work .. I'm curious as to what the word was in the third stanza with the **** I have tried to work out what the word is but I think I maybe having a blonde moment
thanks so much for posting this one Rula is was really a joy to read
love Jayne x
Hello friend
and so sorry for the delay in replying. I edited that line. Hope it flows better now.
As for the missing word, it is a word I usually avoid, (starts with "f") :) but I couldn't find a more suitable one for this line.
Any suggestion will be appreciated.
Much value the visit. I know how much your time is limited. Be well and best regards dear.
Tough form to write...you
Tough form to write...you have done pretty well considering the degree of difficulty...
Regards,
yes
It is very challenging. It's been long since I have written any lengthy piece. I am happy to know you like it dear raj.
Highly appreciated. A few like you would visit any Workshop submission. I am grateful for your kind words.
p.s.
Good to see that the writers block is clearing up
;)
Not exactly :)
These days I only work under the pressure. Nothing flows the way as it used to be the older days.
Thank you anyway for the encouragement dear.
Can I give you a small piece
Can I give you a small piece of advice
Just write ... Don't worry about form or syllable count,
Write from your heart or feelings of the time
I got so tied up with making my poetry perfect that I forgot the joy of it for a while, this was many years ago now, I am writing some stricter forms of poetry, challenging myself I guess but now the flow just comes I don't force it
Have you got a piece of instrumental music you like ? Something that stirs emotion ? Maybe makes you cry ?
I have four songs, no lyrics that I play when I'm writing
One for sad poems, one that's uplifting, one that is so beautiful every time I hear it I want to weep, and an upbeat one that makes me want to get up and dance ..
Just a thought, don't push it so hard hon and the poems will come to you.
Love Jayne