Where lies your grave, my king?
My heart, it bleeds for you
when birds no longer sing.
Your knights, still live, but few.
They're lost without your will
They hide to plan anew.
Poor Merlin's hands are still
His staff is broken now
and Camelot is ill.
The mage will not allow
the witch to find your grave
She strikes to make him bow
but Merlin stands, so brave.
Last Few Words: This is a Terza Rima
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Salam Khalid
The story is fine and the rhyme and rhythm too, but l don't know why I have expected longer lines.
Salam, Rula
Perhaps you think it will be better if I write in iambic pentameter?
Alid
mmmm
That what I wanted, but after sir Wesley's comment, you don't even need my opinion.
Salam, Rula
Actually I'm trying to form a variety in meter in this new form so I decided not to use the most common meter.
Alid
Iambic pentameter
is the most common, but it is not set in granite. Any meter will do if it is consistent. It is the rhyme scheme that is the trick.
This is absolutely the best Arthur I've read. A beautiful Terza Rima and the workshop hasn't even started.
Bravo.
Wes
Thank you for the visit, read and the comment.
Alid
I echo...
Wes' comments. Great start and we haven't even started yet! You will do very well In this workshop.
I will have to keep an eye on you and emulate your fine writing. Thank you for showing how it is done. ~ Gee
Gee
thanks for the read and the comments. I hope I can keep this good progress constant throughout the workshop.
Alid