Rula
Rula
Nov 04, 2015
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal): The Ballade

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Salam Never Dies (Ballade WS)

Well! Life has patched her dreams with nightmare's lair
that filled the mighty void with awful tears,
and now her dreary days would fly to where,
there's nothing to bring out her later cheers.
Though life for long has been so fair and dear;
this mother lived in peace, and peace has brought
what God has oft to gift and bless for years,
but cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Like Hell the phantoms barraged earth and air,
and furious demons stilled the children's screams.
The walls and holes become the graves that care
for shattered bodies, bloody stains and wears.
She called, She cried, but echoes backed so clear,
"Salam's gone", "Salam's gone", was all she got.
your baby's gone. No way the mother'd hear
the cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

With cruel hands Salam was killed out there,
although she had ambitions 'like her peers
Salam was always brave, was never scared,
she had king Arthur's dreams and late king Lear's.
She wished her name to ring around the spheres,
Salam believed and had the faith, no doubt
that evilness would never win or near,
but cheers Oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Salam the baby's gone, but we'll adhere
to thoughts, her smiles, the hope she often sought.
Salam the baby's gone, but still we're here,
Oh cheers now cheers would never be a naught.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: "Salam" is a female name and the Arabic equivalence for the English word "Peace"

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

judyanne

Beautiful write, as i said in the WS.
Touches my heart....

On new read, I have just a couple more suggestions

Can you clarify the 4th verse in the 1st stanza a little better? I understand what you mean, but the wording is a little awkward....

'and furious demons stilled the children's screams'
'furious is a multy-syllable word - FYOO R -ee-uh s
Personally I like the skip it gives, but if you wanted a 'perfect' ballade.....

And, just me, I still have problems with the rhythm with 'cruel' - I know the dictionary says it is two syllables, but most people (lol, at least me) pronounce it 'krool'

Love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

9 years 5 months ago

for the comment and for the time you've devoted for the workshop.
It was an ambitious one indeed.