I
A slick slurry, thick
with worried commuters
an oozing, slow moving spine
of the city
is rumbling to a start, at the
appointed time
somewhere among the seething throng,
heaving along the arterial roads, We
pass painted bollards, there to
remind the procession
Of some imagined sublime serenity
that lived for a while in a painted century
done in colonial colour to remind those who
dared to stand:
which corners were conquered first-
where those street names would hang
suspended by the burgeoning class
with surnames that conveyed branded goods
held in bond for the uncommon man, knights
and dames that came and took their weight in
the coin of this country, at its indefensible
exasperated phrase
and left it breathless, among those words
we use as a foil to the violence
II
That's now hidden but never really gone,
as a dark skein runs under the veneer of respectability
and all those who trundle along the highway
to huddle-holes, in hilled housing
estates sprawling, and crowding out their green
rationale
feel the strain of a history's million ghosts
and a collective haunting that draws us here-
and keeps us in our habit, foundlings waiting
in a two century dream
III
What was born forty millennia back in dream
and rushing though us now, as a silent scream
it is the sound of lyrebirds singing for rain
and all that sound can't keep us sane
so we wait for the dog catcher to take us below,
we welcome him with baying, to our country.
We all know.
Comments
Nice...
a little history lesson, along with some inspiring words! I do think that you might want to try a little change in the format though, it would help in the reading. found myself stumbling a bit here and there. ~ Geezer
Nice one geezer..
I had it structured more or less like this on the pad, before transcribing, dunno, it just seemed to fit into those sections, but I will get down to the shed that is posey and probably tinker with it a bit. With a name like geezer, I'm immediadely thinking London, Watford West Ham? Sorry to offend if I'm wrong ;) - I'm a Nottingham lad, a long way from his beloved Nottingham Forest..
Glad you enjoyed, cheers.
re write is great
the affect of the shortened lines
have more impact
to me..I feel the intensity to it more
I like the poem. the structure for me
works well.
the last line I added in my head
"we want to know"
because there is this shadow of
a pang about the uneven comparisons
to the wealthy as in any country
and the existing just existing
Hillhouses..great line too
I put in we want to know...
as if a doubt
I think everyone is satisfied with their
country to a large extent
but often people do feel the layered
schisms
but then of course too
we know...
is just a happy affirmation
or like the nod at the end of
the convo
of a chat
I like your writing
for its precision
and the word useage
your calm eye to see
the balanced stable
picture et al
thank U
This is more like it.
I would not have separated the poem. It really is one narrative, but it doesn't hurt the piece.
The subject is a kick. A very specific perspective. And it's long enough to use the subject.
Excellent free verse. Too bad I don't like free verse.
Thanks Mr Snow, I'll take that..
as a complement, from one averse to vers libre! I think it was Auden who said something like (paraphrasing terribly here) the writer of free verse, is like a man living on a dessert island. It can work, if he looks after his camp, provisions and crafts his shelter properly, but most of the time, left to his own devices, one ends up with pikes mouldy washing, unkempt hair and beer bottles littering the ground...in other words, it's actually very hard to write verse, that appears to be free, but by extension, is actually very considered and heavily mulled over.I'd like to hope that anyone having a cracked at this falls into the latter category - which is what I hope to achieve.
Thanks again.
very descriptive
Great use of words and phrases, especially at the beginning -
I really like this Chris (but then I like all of your writes lol)
nothing to suggest
love judy
xxx
Hey Jude, nice to hear you back..
And thanks for the kind comments! This is what happens when you get stuck in traffic, on a slow night, crawling home. Plenty of time to think of imagery (although not simultaneously writing and driving, while looking pensively out the window!)
Thanks, and take care :)
Chris.