Geremia
Geremia
Oct 01, 2015

When Nightingales Sing

When Nightingales Sing

Tear my heart apart
let my soul languish
in loneliness.
Let my words die
in the making
as they fade into
nothingness,

I am the nightingale
who sings its melancholy
at twilight
unheard, unseen
hidden in the morning mist
mesmerized
by the Beauty of its
Music
deaf to a voice
grown old
grown weak
and dying

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Comments

Sparrow

This could be really good there are some flow problems in there:-
who sings its melancholy
at twilight
Past present words flow yes but they need to be in the same time.
Take care young man, Yours as always Ian..

Geremia

Thanks , Ian. I don't see where I used he present perfect. I think was consistent with present tense. I will take another look/

Thank you for reading me, Ian.

Joe

lovedly

sings but is amiss
death is not
yet 'tisn't yet
it
the nightingales voice
does fit

Geremia

Thank you. my friend ..Beieve me there are far worse things than death, But I will keep singing, if not for all to hear, but a few or non
[ you understand the message of the poem? ]

joe

lovedly

yes by now i do
as so much time
I give to you

your endurance shall be an example
for ordinary folks like me and you
so all I say give
me time too
To pray for folks
poetic
magnetic
sympathetic
empathatic
(empathy ie)
like you
give me time

Geremia

Dear friend,
of course you are right. NEOPOET may not be the venue for me. You know that I had made a decision not to write, BUT I need to keep my mind sharp I am already showing signs of a dementia due to my disease, and writing is a good mental exercise, Having said that, my poetry doesn't appeal to most and I need to accept that It is always nice to receive validation from fellow poets;. you know that. It is discouraging to be passed over; yet I am fighting other battles which I am losing. So validation of my poetry is last on my list.

Jess and I don't necessarily agree what ''poetry"" should be; but I respect his critiques; I may not always agree with him, but I do see his point of view. I have also learned so much from him as well.

Thank you for reading me. keep well.

joe

P.S. I have unpublished what ""lngers"" too long on the sjte.

Sparrow

Whatever you have done to his piece it now reads great and is a tribute to your understandings,
Yours, Ian