She sat there
waiting for warmth
to conquer the place;
a rampaging dragon
blew to inflame the space,
the fervent
shackled demons
rage with glaring blaze
then nothing works
to let them free
She sat there
waiting for warmth
to conquer the place;
a rampaging dragon
blew to inflame the space,
the fervent
shackled demons
rage with glaring blaze
then nothing works
to let them free
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
This is the opening of an epic poem.
Rule number one: we open "medias res" (in the middle of things) and our heroine is at her lowest ebb. In the greatest of danger.
This was fun for all it didn't say.
thank you sir
I had to find out what "midas res" is.
Thanks for the encouraging comment.
Salam Rula
such great skill. I wished I could write just as good.
Alid
salam khalid
I'm honoured indeed. Thank you!!
Rula
A great part three to the Met's I have completed mine and unusual as it seems I am waiting for the others LOL.
Good piece here Rula, my Dragon is smiling away in the recesses of my mind he warms my soul as only he can.
Take care and look after you out there,
Yours as always,Ian
thank you Ian
I am happy to give you a smile.
Thank you!!
Rula
Can we have your lovely dragon Rampaging around as
a ramping dragon seems strange, still loved it,
Yours Ian..
PS:- My 3rd entry is at the beginning of my 2nd so that the two can be compared..x
thank you Ian for
The second look and your thoughts are always valued. I've looked up the two woords but seems that the difference is slight to the non native like myself. Therefore I had to go with your suggestion with many thanks.
Hmmm.......
I read this and found 2 places where I'd have used a different word. Then I considered that changing those words would do only that and not really improve anything. Why did I just bore you with my thought process? To prove that I Did give this short poem its proper consideration ............stan
thank you Stan
Always appreciate your visit and any suggestions if not used in the moment shall be considered at the sooner future.
I read an essay by Clement Wood
that discussed that very thing. Sometimes replacing a word or changing a phrase is just for the sake of doing so and should be avoided.