SAILS AND OTHER THINGS- edit 2

I sailed to that horizon and see another one just beyond. One little niggle, I would smooth out the last two lines into one and say: And suddenly the years flash by
and it fades into a Horizon Sky
Smooth sailing, this one! ~ Gee

Having line 5 not rhyme reinforces the suddenness contained within the line. You clever thing you lol........stan

It's all been sai, but I will ad that this reads really well and it makes its point vehemently albeit with fewer words than some would have used. Good stuff Joe!

A short and very good write, I use to write for people in pubs, cafe's, and places, this reminded me of one I wrote for a bloke in the Mayflower pub in Ottawa, he gave me a tea shirt from the Bulldog restaurant in Vancouver for doing so, that was back in 1990's I think or it could have been the 70's, here's what I wrote all those years ago:-

Ship

I met a ship on the Ocean
Its sails all ripped and torn
With two of its masts broken
Will it reach the distant shore

Was it beautiful or
Will it become beautiful
Or has it never changed..
Yenti

Profound or something I wrote so much and still write but more correct way due too Neopoet teachings lol.
Take care young Joe and know we are walking with you, Yours, Ian..

but still compared
is your vision
with death
in this rendition

a change of stance
brings in immense vision
and
eases one's minds awful condition
to render admission
your poetry still needs
a supreme audition