She worked tirelessly to please him,
but it was never enough, she was never enough.
Staring at the body, wondering what came next.
While humming their favorite song,
Eleanor sawed off his head.
Once upon a time, she reminisced,
There were goals and dreams, an education to complete.
How she longed to be somebody, instead of this nobody
That could barely exist, but there she sat, soaked in his blood,
Such a tragedy had begun.
He was supposed to be her partner, the love of her life.
Instead he cheated and lied, yet Eleanor loved him still.
It was a love like no other, toxic yet sweet.
All she was to him, was a slab of meat.
A trophy on his arm, an ill fated conquest of epic proportion.
Years went by and Eleanor became part of his past.
Set on punishing her for relationships that crashed,
He beat her and belittled her until she reached the end.
Hope was just a figment, faith was but a fleeting thought.
He shattered her soul, broke her spirit into pieces.
The tongue lashings were the worst.
As she stitched his lips, Eleanor recalled them all.
“I'm sorry, my Dear,” she cooed at the corpse.
“Never again will you say a disparaging word."
Thank God!
That's all she had wanted was for him to be quiet.
For once to hear her out.
But he kept yelling and yelling and YELLING!
Until the shouts drowned her out.
He just didn't get it, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
BLAMING HER for all that was wrong with his life
He kept pushing and pushing and PUSHING
Until her world went black, her vision blurred,
It was so hard to catch her breath.
She was going under, there was no way out. Or was there?
Eleanor could still feel the knife in her hand.
Holding it close to his chest, inhaling his last breath.
For a moment, she thought he may be sorry.
Than he laughed and dared her to do it again and again.
You asked for it, jerk!
The blood spattered as she pulled it from his lower abdomen
Pulling some intestine with it, she let the bastard have it again. Even through the gurgles, Eleanor could hear his laugh.
The asshole died with a smirk on his face.
Always had to have the last word, not today!
His eyes, once enthralling, even in death, mocked her.
So she gauged them out with her thumbs
As Eleanor knew she was the last thing he saw.
Then sewed them shut so they could never taunt her again.
There, that's better, don't you think?
Never would he call her a foul name
Or publically shame her again.
Though his heart quit beating,
His condescending voice echoed still.
My God, what do i have to do?
Eleanor giggled and squealed, while pulling at her hair.
It's always been about you, why couldn't you care?
Still the severed head grinned its snaggletoothed grin.
She raised the knife and did him again.
There is a special place in hell for you, Dear.
Humming sweetly, Eleanor propped his head
On a random broomstick, giggling at the sight.
“Now, DEAR”, she shrieked. “what do you have to say?”
The head bobbled unsteadily and then laid still as stone.
Now stay up there like a good boy!
Chuckling, she wrote his name in blood on the bathroom wall.
“There you are, DEAR,” she muttered through gritted teeth.
Before reentering the kitchen, where it all took place.
Relief swept over Eleanor, as she picked up the stained knife.
Finally....it's over......
They found her draped over her partner's headless body.
Rigormortis already set In, making them hard to separate.
Their fluids mixed together, coagulating as one.
Her lovers head still dripping blood from his neck.
What the hell happened here?
Those who lived in the apartment where Eleanor died,
Could sometimes hear the screams of that horrible night.
They never stayed long, it was too much to bare.
At least Eleanor no longer lived in fear.
Comments
hi Carrie
You forgot to hit the Ws button
Great gory write... but it seems a bit backward... mixed up.... she cuts of his head and he can still laugh at her? Sews up his lips while he mocks her, after she's cut off his head?
Maybe I'm not reading the sequence correctly - you may be referring to the earlier part of the killing after the decapitation.? Or are you trying to show her insanity with her thinking he's still laughing at her after he's dead?
I think, perhaps, it needs a tweak to clarify...
Typo 'bare' - 'bear'
Well written, I certainly sensed Eleanor's madness... (funny how so many authors use that name in connection with this genre)
love judy
xxx
Thank you
Im not part of the WS yet as i havent been added yet. I was trying to show her madness. She performed those acts after like sewing his eyes because she believed he was still disrespecting her. I added a line in the verse regarding his eyes. May help clarify.
Carrie
you are in now
ach
good lord this takes the cake
Judyanne made some good observations yet my first thoughts were that she had been driven insane and perhaps imagined she did all of this and died a ripe old age in a mental institution lol
She really
Did do it. Years of mental abuse and occasionally physical abuse. He just pushed her too far. I will be making revisions this week. What is the time frame?
Carrie
A great write, just a few tiny things, but will see how you edit first.
Great to have you in this Workshop, maybe the real horror would be to make her live and move away to another town, making others join in if only in their own fears, Yours Ian xx
ian
I have made revisions i think before you read this. What would you like to see improved upon
Carrie
Are you sure that was Eleanor.
Draped over a body she despised.
Remember Digit faked his own death by throwing someone in front of a train, don't let her die, Let people fear a visit..
Hope that helps with the write,
Yours Ian xx
Excellent read!
Lots of good solid imagery here that enhances the piece greatly! I'm sure a few edits here and there will help improve the flow some, but all in all, this is one heck of a poem!
thank you
I am Glad you enjoyed this. It took me some time to put together and I have made some revisions. Will be looking at it again over the weekend.
Great story!...
But I thought it was supposed to be a poem? Maybe more rhyme will smooth it out? Eleanor and Killer have to get together soon! ~ Gee
i was
Not sure about the rhyming. Will revise over the coming days. I am Glad this is a permanent shop. Eleanor has Her eye on killer.
I agree with Geez that it's almost not poetry.
However, I think I appreciate how difficult it was for you to write it as poetic as it is. I didn't really have a problem with the rhythm.
The story definitely is in the category of hack and slash.
I think the decapitated head seemed to be mocking her 'cause she's freeping nuts. I can see the smirk easily.
Be careful using a lot of capitals. The more you use the less important they are.
Excellent poem Carrie. I'm proud of you.
Also, this is a permanent workshop, so you have all the time in the world to edit and or expand.
This
Is going to keep going? Does this mean we get to write more Horror? I wasn't sure if it really needed to rhyme or not. This took alot of time and I will continue to work it.
Hello
Spotted two typos
gauge should be gouge and bare should be bare. I think the best part of this was how toward the end you told of their blood permanently mingling thus assuring she would Never be free of the beast. There's no shortage of gory imagery but perhaps the tale would be a bit more horrifying if there was a bit more build up before the murder and even a little prior to the suicide. But this is just a rough draft and I suspect the final will be even better. Gotta go now and apologize to Susan just in case I ever made her angry lol............stan
lol
I will definitely work with this and see what I can do Now that I have had excellent feedback. It is true in life as I put in the poem, you are never free of the beast or demons. Thank you.
Sempiternal:
From the Latin it means forever. Get comfortable here and get some writing done.
I at least will continue critiquing until you're sick of me.
good edits Carrie
You have clarified the story line well...
Still a couple of typos...
'gauge (gouge) eyes',
and 'too much to bare' (bear)
Maybe you could write in a reason for her killing herself - such as after all she did, she still couldn't shut him up... therefore thought that the only way she could find peace...
And then again, perhaps you should have her survive and go on a murderous spree or something - shame to kill her off so soon - she has such potential, lol
Love judy
xxx
I am also glad...
that this is a permanent workshop! That will give us both time to make sure that these two get together! I see Eleanor working up to a frenzy and hope that she will continue to show us the bloody side of her! Much better! ~ Gee
So how do you get together?
Co author or statement and answer back and forth? I'd like to see this also.
Carrie
Eleanor, well I never did, there's a great friend for Killer, as Digit has met Nevermore at the beach party, He would love to come over and have another Barbie not the dolly some more Long Pig and Gee has said we should go see a Car show,
hope it is as exciting as Glastonbury and some of the places Digit has been.
I am not sure where he is at the moment the last message was about his short trip to Singapore. Alid must have missed him lol.
Take care young Lady and have a think about another party, Yours, Jack Sparrow xx
The only...
problem I see with getting Eleanor and Killer together, is that she is dead already. Maybe she could be a zombie? That would make for an interesting scenario! She could have the brains that Killer usually discards! LOL. Co-author or answering back and forth? Not sure on that score. I do think that either would work. What do you say, Nevermore? ~ Gee
I would
Love to co author with Geezer Now that I am not working fifty hour weeks. What do you say geezer
I have started something...
I'll let you know when it's ready to post. ~ Gee
i am
Working on my part... To be continued
Go for it you two.
This is the sort of storytelling that "Storytelling in Verse" was meant to engender. And death is never a problem with continuing a character. I have just such a thing in my big poem. An epic poem is to begin in medias res (in the middle of things) with the hero at his/her lowest point. My heroine died in the first chapter. There is only one way to go now. Up. My heroine is a ghost.
Go for it guys.
Hello Carrie
I like the raw emotions here though I thought that Eleanor is strong enough to continue after killing him. I liked the taking of the story forth and back as if everything is a memory or a nightmare. I think few tweaks would make this possible.
May be you can continue with the baby she holds in her womb. Just a suggestion. Sir Wesley knows better. Trust him.
The collaboration is exciting.
Take your time and get what you want. This workshop is actually just part of "Storytelling in Verse" and we never close.
I'm anxious for you two to start either a thread where you post your pieces or as a submission. I vote post it as a poem, so everyone can enjoy it.
excellent edits and hard work carrie!
there has been much improvement
I like how you use the suggestions
the story is vivid and clear...
I like the ryhme too in this..
I remember my love of Poe and Lovecraft
of course male authors..
but then the reads of female horror authors
and how detailed they are
a great work of effort and style
and love the descripts and imagery used
to tell the tale
thank U
i am
Not familiar with Lovecraft but I think I will google him. Poe is my inspiration. The Raven is my guide and alter ego. Thank you for the comments
I've had computer problems lately.
So I haven't kept up, but I'm back and will be checking out the changes. Any news on the "Killer" front? Have you two even discussed the possibilities?
i just
Posted mine and Geezers collaboration. I have been working alot so this is the first time I have been on in a while. Check it out and show us some love.