scribbler
Jan 14, 2011

MY WAY

Oh, but doesn't he look good
much better than when last he stood
now within this fine steel box
soon closed by the coffin's locks

Embalmed to preserve the flesh
( of what import that it look fresh ?)
don't the ones who mourn and care
know that he's no longer there ?

Soon to be put in the ground
hermetically sealed all around
isolated beyond any fault
underneath a concrete vault

Within a sterile field of grass
with nature not allowed to pass
not permitted to decay
and to recycle at the end of day....

Bury me in plain old pine
with knots and cracks will be just fine
that let the rainwater come in
and allow the process to begin

For my headstone, a poplar tree
near quiet woods preferably
let its roots run strong and deep
and all of my nutrients keep

In autumn when the wild geese call
as the poplar's leaves turn gold and fall
just walk past it if you care
but remember that I am not there

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

S

The thing is that once dead we have little control over what is done with our husks lol.( except you who would come back and haunt lol)...........................stan

Esker

Esker

14 years 3 months ago

I like the "beyond any fault" line
cant say how many funerals
Ive sat through The "vaulted"
kind written poetic words to end
the ritual of being

Our peoples through blood either
went to the ground or were consumed
with fire for cleansing the journey to
the "other" places with goods
tobacoo implements etc

I like your write on this
poetic thought

S

I am always pleased when you show up and even more pleased when you like one of my attempts...................scribbler

S

So good to know that this helped you through a difficult day. Perfection is far beyond my scope but thanks for saying so..........stan

K

I really really like this poem....reminds me why I want to be burned and let my children take me places I have yet to go.

The end reminds me of a famous poem, for the life of me I can't think of which one.

I'm so glad you're making such great progress Rosina. It's hard to let go, but I think it's absolutely necessary for them and us.

Thanks for the poem. Too bad I can't have a Vikings funeral. (Hi Steven), just sail away.

;-)

~

S

I had worries about this one being misunderstood, but am glad to see that all so far seem to catch its intent. Come on by any time...............stan

Rottiestyl

I don't really get into rhyming poetry much unless it's children's or humorous, but you did quite well on this. I was surprised because I found myself re-reading it. It was fresh. But what I liked the most was it's simplicity. No frills, just an easy flowing piece of life and truth of the last act. I really liked it.

S

Hello! It's always good to see a new person show up. I'm not a good enough poet to "frill" things up most of the time lol.Perhaps this will lead you to give rhyming poetry a try not just in reading but writing also. Reading free verse here is what opened my eyes that it is not all rambling by people too lazy to apply structure and rhythm to their work and it even led me to dip my toe into free verse and Japanese. Please feel free to drop by any time............................scribbler

S

thanks for the time to read and comment Ian..........................scribbler