a nursery rhyme for today (an octogram)

a question now, I do implore
where's Tommy's tune?
a lad to make you sad, heartsore
poor of fortune
bereaved of mum and dad at birth
an orphan thus deprived of mirth
on corners begs with plate and spoon
where's Tommy's tune?

emaciated, headed for
an early tomb
for supper Tommy Tucker scores
a bowl of gloom
so after you've been bathed and fed
and tucked up there all snug in bed
with Mamma's lullaby's soft croon
where's Tommy's tune?

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his supper,
What shall we give him? Brown bread and butter.
How shall he cut it without a knife?
How shall he marry without a wife?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: i add this for they who did not grow up within the English literary paradigm.....Little 'Tommy Tucker' referred to in the words of this nursery rhyme was a colloquial term that was commonly used to describe orphans - Little Tommy Tucker. The orphans were often reduced to begging or 'singing for their supper'. The reference to Little Tommy Tucker marrying and the lack of a wife reflects the difficulty of any orphan being able to marry due to their exceptionally low standing within the community. The first publication date for Little Tommy Tucker was 1829..... but I think ithe verse is still relevant today.....

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

Comments

How sad,

How sad that your words have relevance in todays world, hundreds of years after the first version was written. I have no critique of this rhyme, but hopefully those who read this will have a reallity check. Thank you for sharing. Love Roscoe...

hi Roscoe

Thanks for the read and comment...
yes, sad... how does the saying go? -- everything changes and everything stays the same....
love judy
xxx

Hi Judy

Syllable count in both stanza's are the same, rhyming and meter are spot on! ( as far as my amateur self can tell ). I think the subject is up to date and as powerful as it was in 1829. ( which is sad ) and, something that I find difficult, it has a huge emotional impact.

We see on TV how children are sleeping on the streets, even shot, or live in deplorable conditions, used and abused. You have highlighted and bought to our attention a problem that is often put to the back of the mind and you have done it in a creative manner, with flare.

Awesome poem Judy - can't see anything to critique. Bravo

Love to you

Mand xxxx

thanks Mand

for the read and very kind comments... nothing's changed in 200 years eh ?
love judy
xxx

good read

hi Raj

Thanks so much for the visit and comment
love judy
xxx

beautiful read

my
when poets depart
u still did not read
waffle less tis

thanks loved

I've been busy with work and workshop... I do read most of your writes - haven't time to comment on them all...
But I do see the lack of waffle most of the time.... doing well there

love judy
xxx

Hi MM

One keeps hearing of "men" who go around impregnating women left and right but make no effort to support their offspring. I wonder if this might be sadder (to know you have a father who doesn't care) than to be an orphan.....sigh. On to the poem, I'm not up to speed with this form and was on the verge of suggesting you find some perfect rhyme to replace the near rhymes. Then i noticed that the near rhymes occurred at the same place in each stanza which offsets the fact they're not perfect. I can almost see you rubbing your hands together saying "Ha! I'll get Stan! He's gonna say something about these near rhymes but I'm ready for him !" LoL You sure are getting sneaky..............stan

lol Stan

Not sneaky - quite unintentional.... and I'm not sure how pure the rhyme has to be for this form so shhh...

love judy
xxx