Protest. (Critique Workshop- edited)

One of the few forms of protest left for the common man which occasionally makes any difference is the power to vote people out of office. The captive news media turns any type of actual protest to its own use by taking words out of context and slanting news.................stan

Myself, I no longer bother to protest anything, I just bitch about it! LOL!!

maybe saying what leads to life being silly. You know something like the wages for the common working people not increasing while the cost of kivingis getting more and more expensive? mmm

Alid

Hi Jess - I like the message of the poem, designed to rouse people to action.

I think the title is very clever in as much as the poem is a protest against those who are sitting back and doing nothing to effect change. it is also a call to those same people to stand up and do something.

I think the poem is good but would be made better by expanding upon and changing the first two lines, perhaps being more specific about what that silliness is, i.e political decisions that have proved to be disastrous etc. What did you have in mind when you wrote those first two lines? I think you need to establish that and say it - if you're asking people to stand up and protest you need to give them the reason why and the reader needs to know why you are urging people to protest. So those opening lines, in my opinion need to have motivational punch!

Once those lines are expanded and changed I think everything else will fall into place and it will be a very powerful poem sending a very powerful message.

Bare in mind that this is only my opinion, based on my understanding of your poem. I hope it has been of some use.

Love to you

Mand xxxx

I think it easier for us both that I just show another way......
While life grows ever sillier
just sit around...watch T.V.
grow poorer
watch the planet die
and
die with it

or

Protest
Vote
commit nihilistic terrorism
just
-------do
---------------SOMETHING
please

I agree re those first two verses .... but I'll go further and say the use of the word 'silly' is a detraction from the seriousness of the write. I also find the two stanzas don't gel together ... they need a unit of connection

I would suggest something like:

Life can be preposterous
dangerously so

the asinine
who sit and watch TV
will grow poor
watch the planet die
and die with it

but I will protest
vote
commit acts of nihilist terrorism

join me
let's all do something
please

just my opinion
love judy
xxx

Well done. I think you were fair in your critique as you pointed out to Jess not onlly what he needs to work on but also why he needs to.
By the way Jess, I like your poem and l liked it even more after reading Mand's critique.
Does someone's critique makes a difference, I think sometimes the answer is a big YES.
Thanks for both of you.

PS. Mand you could have chosen that small button ( to show this is your official critique as participant of this workshop. You'd have my life and others' easier dear :) :)