wesley snow
wesley snow
Apr 03, 2015
This poem is part of the contest:

KYRIELLE

(Read More...)

A Kyrielle (April Contest)

When queried as to where I live,
I ponder not and always give
an answer I’ve prepared to say ~
that “Heaven’s not so far away.”

May God have mercy on us all,
for we’ve been haunted since The Fall,
but I am grateful every day
our Heaven’s not so far away.

My home, my life is paradise.
I live in grace and pay no price,
for with my wife as we turn grey
my Heaven’s not so far away.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I love this one.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern California, USA

Favorite Poets: Tolkien

More from this author

Comments

S

I like the minor changes in the refrain. I hope such is allowed in this form. But it's good poetry in any case. Best of luck in contest......stan

judyanne

as you haven't used the same rhyme scheme for each verse either.....

.... and yes Stan - as far as I understand, the refrain can be altered at each use ... and doesn't even have to be eight syllables....

Love the write Wes
Love judy
xxx

wesley snow

This is another old write that didn't understand the form. I'm thinkin' this disqualifies me like the last time. A subtle cheat where cheating is not allowed.
As for the refrain... it must resemble itself, but it could be a single syllable.
This form makes me nuts. There's nothing like a machine that must be perfect in one place, but who cares about the rest.

mand

I absolutely love this poem - everything about it! :) Good luck in the contest!

Love to you

Mand xxxx

R

raj

10 years ago

Good one.

Regards,

Sparrow

The theme is fine, but as most will say didn't come up to the contest criteria.
I think that young Wesley should have had more thought when selecting this one,
Take care young Horse Whisperer,
Yours Ian..

Rula

what's wrong with the rhyme scheme. I see it meets the contest's syllabus
aabB, ccbB, ddbB
doesn't it?

Rula

I love this. I see it qualifies for April's contest no matter what you say. I really like it sir!

BTW, all the examples I read in the net follow your same rhyme scheme and those I read here under April's contest.

S

does not have to rely completely on form. Were I to judge I'd only do so if I liked 2 poems equally and only one had perfect form...........thank goodness I'm not this month's judge lol....stan