scribbler
Mar 02, 2015
This poem is part of the contest:

March Contest

(Read More...)

FORBIDDEN WAY (March contest)

I'll never walk that way again,
in bottoms drowned by this new lake
unless I sprout both gill and fin
a change I guess I'll never make.

I picture the flat plain once there;
I'll never walk that way again,
with legs which took me everywhere,
which conquered hill and stream and glen.

I remember times there with passed kin,
this plain now barred to halting tred.
I'll never walk that way again
with loved ones gone to final bed.

So I'll save it in memories,
how it and I both were back then:
long strides there under old beech trees.
I'll never walk that way again.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: pretty rough but I intend to come back

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

10 years 2 months ago

to the march contest. As good as it gets when it comes to using a Nature theme. You are King of the woods.

Regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 2 months ago

though enjoyable, that refrain gives a poignant grief. Very effective.
I'd say good luck, but I know you are writing just for the fun of it.
Any way, good luck. :)

S

I think in this contest the refrain and how it's used will likely determine the winner. And you're right, I'm not worried about winning since being the contest director makes me ineligible. I'm pleased you think I picked a good refrain for this poem........stan

judyanne

With young legs that took me everywhere -- 9 syllables
Nice write Stan
love judy
xxx

L

You took me back inside the magical land, thanks Stan. Lovely piece of writing.