i wish i hadn’t
pointed a wavering eye
in Her direction
but i did
and i wish i hadn’t
felt complied
to trade thoughts
but i did
and i wish i hadn’t
fallen into the
maddening embrace
of twirling
tumbling confusion
of late nights
and half empty
bottles of chardonnay
but i did
and now
it’s just
you, me
and the moon
Comments
this is my favourite of your works so far, riot
is there another name I can call you, to be more friendly?
It bespeaks the riot that is lust and attraction eloquently.
I wonder if in the line-
felt complied
perhaps
felt compelled
might work better?
Just a suggestion.
The ending is excellent, neither maudlin nor self-pitying but sad and reflective.
I like it.
Thanks
Yeah I think felt compelled will work better, it's a little smoother on the tongue. My real name is Nick so you can call me that. Thanks for the feedback, this is just one poem from a bigger suite I'm writing so any comments are always appreciated.
Nick
Welcome back and such a good piece to return with.
I remember you were writing a lot of stuff those times back.
It will be good to see what progress you have made with your writing.
This was good for a welcome back, did you stream this one before, it sounds familiar.
Yours Ian. T (Yenti) now Sparrow lol
Moon the moon...
Love comes and goes like eternal waves the
great swells...
just hard when one is the one that outdoes
all the other ones...
Thank You!
nick
u do click
after a sabbatical
long and thick
will we click?
somehow i found this
and i must say i'm really relating with it on quite a few levels. very well done. may i post it on our official blog (with credit to you of course)?
Mag
Sure no worries :)
Sure no worries :)
yes
I like this
Well written, I especially like the ending
As Jess says - just enough melancholy without being overdone
Love judy
xxx