He crushed one last fearful thought
and pushed open the dreaded door
Onward into the lion’s den
tingles shattering his body core
Not a moment less
Not a moment more
Each of which held a promise
A dark fearful proposal
He clenched his keys
with a well meant fist
clenched them, until his hand was sore
Not a moment less
Not a moment more
The street outside was loud
with lights and crowds
that rattled upon his trembling jaw
And the ground was soft and dreamlike
Submerged the screaming cars
he saw
Not a moment less
Not a moment more
And on among the swirl of shoppers
and throng of faceless men of war
He cut through the painful
air of fumes
a hundred million nerves so raw
He passed through the city square
under backward spinning timeless clocks
Looking for the safety door
Not a moment less
Not a moment more
A million voices rang inside
Without, a million faces bore
a seamless narrative
of malice, for him alone
for him so poor,
his thundering heart
and sweating hands
and ache and tingle
adrenal glands
worn wide eyed stare
for a million strands
of impossible thought
of implausible flight
he'd encountered
countless times before
Then a searing rain
upon his shell
cooled inner fear
and inner hell
just enough
to allow him one more crime
with familiar dread
regarded the time
And onward poured
to a solace where
he'd drunk away that
fear before
Not a moment less
Not a moment more.
Comments
i really like this Chris
Is it for the contest? You might like to say so in the title, if it is
Also, you need to put it on the contest blog, in order that the judge sees it - without the contest tab working atm, it will be hard for him/her to find all the entries on the stream. Thus Stan is collecting them on the blog as well
A write that gets one quite involved... I found my reading pace quickening the further into the poem... intriguing and captivating
I really like the repeated lines
One suggestion
Do you think a break before 'then a searing rain' might work?
best of luck in the contest
Love judy
xxx
I've just seen
that the contest tab is now working - so all you have to do now is go to edit mode and click onto the contest at the bottom of the write
xxx
Thanks Jude..
I saw the field at the bottom, so I've thrown my hat in the ring! Thank you for your advice. I really got caught up with other things in the last week or so, and meant to get back to Neopoet sooner, so, hopefully, not too late.
Take care,
Chris.
Chris
Loved this write it was strong and pointed with feelings.
The last part needs an edit though, too many AND's in there, also it could do with the same layout as the first part, otherwise Great,
Yours Ian
Thanks Ian and Jude..
OK I took a few ANDs out of there! Sorry I have been a bit tardy in my response - away with work, kids, life and..it all gets in the way of poetry!
Thank's for your recommendations, appreciated as always.
Chris.
Hi Chris
If this is meant for contest please edit title by putting (Feb. contest) next to it
Aha - OK will do.
Thanks Scribbler..