mand
mand
Feb 16, 2015

Waking Up To Life

No matter the weather
Robin sings
Rain or shine, wind or ice
it's as if he thinks he's in paradise.

He's the most jubilant
little bird
summer, winter or spring
'cos he always seems to be twittering.

Even when the earth quakes
he's happy
night, dusk, morning and noon
he's chirpy with glee and warbles his tune.

So thanks little robin
for your heart
bold, courageous and strong
and for giving us joy with your sweet song.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

10 years 2 months ago

after reading this lovely poem about Robins, I must tell you that, if ever a Robin reads this poem, Robins in thousand will be all over you to show their love and Robinize you....so watch out Mand...

fun apart...i really mean what i said....so truly is this poem lovely and most of all also because it shows your sensitivity and love of birds...do you have a tweeter account especially for Robins?

Much love and hugs...

mand

The worlds number one Robin fan! Lol perhaps I should tweet them. ha ha We're blessed with an abundance of robins / birds that visit our garden. ( probably because we feed them every day )
I'm woken every morning by the song of Robins - it's a delightful way to be woken up, I would sorely miss them if they weren't there.

A big thank you from this old bird for your funny comment and compliment - it's always great to hear from you.

Love to you :)

Mand xxxx

Rula

Rula

10 years 2 months ago

A lovely happy writing.
I like how you've set the scene. I could almost hear the Robin there. It is amazing how such a small creature can bring so much joy, isn't it?

I like the form you've followed there, but thought the piece can benefit of some culling.
e.g the line "Even when it's stormy" doesn't add much as you've mentioned this already in the first stanza.

also the line "and happy" as it comes after "He is such a cheerful soul"

I don't know, Just thoughts, may be others have different views, so let's see what they think dear.

I've already enjoyed the twittering of your robin. :)

mand

Thank you sooo much for your visit, time and attention. As suggested I've changed a few lines: I hope it's a bit better now. :) I hope all is well with you and family. :)

Love to you with grateful thanks

Mand xxxx

wesley snow

so to tell you I liked this is high praise.
I only found one problem.

"and for lighting (should be spelled 'lightening') our lives with your sweet song."

mand

I hope all is well with you. Thank you for visiting and making such a lovely comment! I'm chuffed. I have changed the line you mentioned. ( thank you for pointing it out - muchly appreciated ).

We have another busy week next week with secular work. ( this week busy with family - school hols and now youngest grandson has a severe case of tonsillitis so I've been out and about + baby sitting / ironing etc ) So I haven't had much time to write poetry etc. Strangely enough I get more of a chance to write poetry when I'm working because I work next to the computer and can type thoughts down, if I get any. Reading is a bit more difficult - I'm off to the bank now ( five miles away ). Hopefully I'll manage to log in on Sunday! ( Birthday party for grandson on Saturday he's 11 ). It's all go. ( not just for me for everyone )

Thanks Wes for your help and input - so grateful.

Love Mand xxx

judyanne

A very enjoyable read
i have twittering little willy wag tails that come and play in my bird bath - I think they are just as cheerful as robins
Love judy
xxx

Sparrow

Great write the young one.
We are just moving into the dawn chorus time from Feb to June, it's a lovely time of the year and heralds, Spring.
Some say I get SAD but it is the inability of being able to do things outside lol.
I has been in my cave too much now I can run in the sunshine and laugh with the Children, just going to get some Ice cream lol,
Yours Ian

mand

Ahh spring, nearly here. :) Your description of running and laughing in the sunshine with the children sounds great :) I hope you enjoyed the ice cream. lol

Thanks for stopping by to read and comment - it's always a pleasure to see your smile.

Love Mand xxxx