which gate doth now
circumnavigate the heavens
your beauty is its undoin'
from the moment I looked at you
these gates your beauty has torn down
my eye's have beheld the gate's ruin
Steven Zoric
Feb 01, 2015
untitled
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
you are emptiness?
you state you are untitled!
such lovely poetry sprouts from you
what will others do
when they welcome you
you are a cast gem
ask jess
here i stand
not to welcome you ....
you need no introduction
with what for neos
''maiden''show
in heaven
here you do!
Thank you lovedly... <3
Thank you lovedly... <3
welcome to the site Steven
A great write to start off with.
I have one suggestion
I can see that you wrote undoin' to try to rhyme it with ruin
But I think the near rhyme works ok - undoing / ruin...
Your poem is powerful enough to not need a rhyme anyway
love judy
xxx
Thank you judyanne... <3
Thank you judyanne... <3
Steven
The words of the heart are good and you have put power in them, I look forward to reading more of your works as you grow,
Yours Ian.T