status quo

a pair of eyes
hopeful
anticipative
distraught
hysterical
red.

a wandering heart
a clustered mind
an agitated being
blue.

a mutual friend
confused, as me
distant, as the sun
constant, as life
necessary, as oxygen
yellow.

an angel
pure, as water
lighter than air
pretty, like her
white.

a future
-a muddled mess
a simple complication
uncertain, as death
hopeful, as eyes.
as a pair of eyes.
vague, and unclear
black.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

About the Author

Country/Region: IND

Comments

thank you for the comment :)

thank you for the comment :)
yes, it was intentional. the repetition was meant to imply to the pair of eyes mentioned in the first stanza. and i thought it helped bring that out of the rest of it.

Dhruv

As the original comment was from someone that has left, this piece has now been highlighted as un-discovered,
So we need to go through it again and see what we can do.
I found it a little abrupt and broken in a couple of places but have a go at editing and we will see what happens, Yours Ian.T