Before I met Azrael
and knew of the
profound
dividing veil
my soul, innocent
slept indulged
believing only willows wept
Then a twinkle in unfledged eyes
that spoke of things to be
extinguished
unexpectedly
I’d thought we only died when we got old
Where, tell me
did his endless story go?
What other world is being set aglow
while I am left
with faded memory -
a fog of black and white
what used to be -
and yearn for days I
indulged, slept
believing only willows wept?
Comments
Judyanne!!
How great to see you. I really miss you. I was thinking of you today
Where have you been?
To your poem,
This left me with a wow. Very eloquent and articulate.
Your use of the repeated lines is really effective and adds to this poignant writing.
Ps. I can't see the use of the question mark on the last line. What am I missing? :)
Welcome back!
hi Rula
so lovely to see you too
i have popped in over the year on the occasion and read some of your stuff - love how you've just come on in leaps and bounds with your writing
thank you so very much for the lovely comment about my write
and if a title pops up i'll happily take it.... but not panicing for one in any way... any suggestions?
love judy
xxx
I now see what I've missed
"What other world is being set aglow
while I am left
with faded memory -
a fog of black and white
what used to be -
and yearn for days I
slept indulged
believing only willows wept?"
I think the space between the question and the next stanza needs to be removed.
Are you looking for a title? Or just not decided yet?
i will look at that
but at the moment i think i like the set up as is...
thanks rulla
love judy
xxx
Hi, Judy
when I am here, and you are not, I miss you
when I am not here, I miss you even more...your voice and presence, like a logo, represents and reminds me of the vitality that neopoet has lent to my life...always luring me back...(hope that wasn't too gooey, gushy, mushy or maudlin!)
your poem is incredibly smooth, luxurious,,,and sad (but not maudlin)
defining a loss lasting forever, and which keeps delivering new reasons to weep
I can't even imagine....
This is one of my favorites of yours... the skill, craft, and beauty of the telling
sincerely,
Al
what a lovely thing to say - thank you
and thank you for the supportive comment regarding my write
it is greatly appreciated
love judy
xxx
Judy
Beautiful poem. Can't find anything to critique. Flow and rhythm was great
thank you Barbara
for the read and very kind comment
love judy
xxx
Judy
It would be an understatement to say I missed your poetry. I can't find the words to express the void. It's so good to see you post again. Wishing all is and be well with you.
Regards,
thank you Raj
for the lovely comment
i have missed you :)
hope all is well in your llittle corner of the world
love judy
xxx
A life cut short! - so sad.
A life cut short! - so sad. Memories fade into a black and white fog, You are such a skilled poet. I love the double barrelled title: it is the perfect fit for the poem!
This is a truly heart wrenching poem :)
Love to you
Mand xxx
hi mand
Thanks so much for the lovely comments
Love judy
xxx
that's it, i'm convinced
recently the stream has been filled with absolute wonder! this one convinced me, we're doing quite good lately! i really like this. i am especially partial to the way you spaced it out, it adds a lot to the poem. and the pun, oh the way to my heart! very well done. keep bein' awesome judy.
mag
thanks mag
For the supportive words... greatly appreciated
Love judy
xxx
Beautiful poem
Sadness vague and well written firm
barbara
Thanks again
Love judy
xxx
What???
How the heck did I miss this one? That last stanza is beyond excellent........stan
thank you very much stan
for the great comment
i'm glad you liked this
love judy
xxx
pacing structure
Awesome Judy..
a well written poem
we are left
all of us
been a few days sleeping
myself over run
with many issues
sometimes its the way
delving dreams
and much came my way
A good descript of that
feeling
of being here
where others have left
and gone ahead
Thank You!
thanks steve
You comments are always appreciated as poetry in themselves
And your supportive words appreciated even more
love judy
xxx
I like the weaving of words and flow
and how you have grown
the story telling smoother
but always the raw feeling
poetry I love like my love
of textiles..the tactile thing
all can relate too..
if the poem can touch
it is woven with beauty
strength and care
thank U
Hi Judy
It just doesn't seem right when the young leave us before they've even had the chance to show what their potential would be. Welcome back.........stan