1.
I have heard your whisper and glass rattle of chilled jade.
2.
I have heard your grained applause under the floorboards.
3.
I have eaten these kitsch doll parts you have buried under the cemetery's rune marks. One more!
4.
On my morning walks, I have seen the egg white of your eyes flip...shells breaking on the sea shore...remember?.
5.
So here I am, staring upward as always. I see your face in the clouds, the blue and red...you always distracted me from my meetings.
Nov 23, 2014
The Optimist Mourns
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Mystery..
Like the numbers...
the use of senses..
clever
Like the shore..the sea
parts and eyes..
intimate...effigy
passage..
collection
minatures
Love the last line...
the meetings...
meetings...with whom.
a gathering singular...
a place to go...
meeting
excellent!
different
Thank You!
Thank
You!
the structure of your work is intense
I love your writing
there is so much to it
I read you...
today it is snowing
much to do
and Im in a sarcastic
world..no time for the
mish mash happy
false idiots
but thats okay
they know too..
and the rest..
whom want
a tender moment
if I catch it will
get it
Im not that
hard..
flexible..is everything
hard is just hard..
Thank You!
Snowy
weather and fall weather are the most poetic weathers. Ha!
Thank you so much for your kind comments!
Every phrase steep ponderous
Every phrase steep ponderous and eloquent
Each word a surprise
I love the way you work
So good is rare in any ranks. Makes me want something but I don't quite no what or how to get it
Thank
you friend