At the edge of madness
A deadly silence
Within consciousness.
Pain is great
Knees buckling.
The burden of trying
And trying true
Only to fail
Breeds anger.
Fear not death
Life alone.
Still I bide my time
For fate to let go
Maybe even with hope
However vain a notion it is.
But be vigilant
Oh prey
Seeking place to start flame.
Comments
Jahleel
I like your work, it may be better if you wrote more often.
Try not to make a shopping list of a poem.
Your word power is good so try to make a poem with longer lines and spaces to breathe.
A write more than once a year would be better and for you to join in criticizing others pieces also joining the odd workshops would be good for you,
Welcome back and hope to read more of your work as others will, Yours Ian.T
Love this poem
it seems to be written just for me. I am not that vain, it is just the sign of a poem of stature.
Do take heed to Ian's remarks.
Thanks guys
Really appreciate the criticism as always guys. I try my best to make the indicated corrections. As for the workshops, I'll join one when I have the time to spare.