in my day
we got about
with sticks and pocket knives
turned out
abandoned buildings
breaking things
milk money change
to live like kings
I wonder now
how children stave
to deal without
the be in have
with cotton wool
across the land
who can hear
the trickster's band
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Beautiful
Reminds me of my cotton picking, tobacco stringing and take off, cucumber picking childhood. Stick doll, marbles, jacks, jump rope and hop scotch days. The good old days. Can't see anything to critique.. Just to say, I like the new to me form. It really works for me in the playful poem. .
A Delightful read!
One to return to me thinks!
Simon
A good read here from your write, look forward to many more from you.
Yours Ian.T