a talker not a thinker
no faster than a drinker
wild wests
rattle snakes
put movement on the blinker
RAWRIDEMINHIDE!
spurred boots and grit
hang onto that shit
an appaloosa's
coming soon
to chomp the bloody bit
Nov 07, 2014
Cowboy Up
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I'm new and wish to learn so please be ruthless
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Zeelund
appleoosa..an amost camo coat
the free loaded light armor
of cav the spanish brought
with them
blinkers
the working class
blind
and enrich gain feed by
the imperical and colonial
tweaking
rattlesnakes
that enliven some
raw
beneath the hide
but lest denounce
the finish
proclaimed
with wear
the gloss
a dull sheen
shines
in practise
the moves
and intuition rides
Greatly admire
the gritty write
like the knowledge
of the natives not
using a bit far back
just commands and
feet and leg prompts
etc
I like the switch up
on the opening lines
Ive met both
coins
and been
a feisty write
Works well for me
Thank You!
well . . .
thanks Esker, your in-depth analysis added some extra understandings for me. love the Spanish cavalry info . . . peace
esker
said it