weirdelf
By weirdelf, 26 October, 2014
Participants
weirdelf
wesley snow
scribbler
gemma stoner
Barbara Writes
Rula
raj
Ian.T
lovedly
lonlyhrtsclub13
docmaverick
Skill level
Plunge Pool
Date
-
Short description
Serious, clean limericks
Barbara Writes

Limerick and meter gives me a fit
You well know from past WS I'm a nitwit
Stressed, unstressed feet with end foot missing
For me seems an impossible mission
Count me in with hopes of learning if only a little bit.

I sure this is no where right. So I'm here to attempt this WS success. I got the rhyme. Now I'll work on the rest.

S

I was referencing the above limerick in which you had substituted my name in a comment on one of my earlier poems. Guess you'll have to attack yourself also lmao. (Old age Does get to our memories doesn't it?)

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 6 months ago

Not sure if I should join in,
The meter needs another coin in
I started to write
but out went the lights
How bloody annoyin'.

OK I am being a silly Nelly
Blame the pills stuck in my belly
But the pills aren't working so good.
I should have taken them before, I should
If there's time I will switch off the tele ,

Yours Ian

I don't want to appear rude
So I won't talk of silly things young dude
I'll just close my eyes now there's a surprise
I think I am becoming neutralized
Maybe it's I didn't want to be crude

I was going to talk on cracks and crannies
But was interrupted by my Granny
It's now a jam tart that is sticky
I hear that you just pulled a sickie
She said young man you are rather jammy

Damn look they is an infection but must polish up on AABBA.

weirdelf

the style infects your brain if you read enough of them you will start talking in limericks.
I promise not to be to harsh and remember I said in the syllabus that the members will be doing most of the crit.

Simon Smythe

that first one Ian. work that second line though. the thing works in solitary. out of context yet all relating.

Your pal Simon

Ian.T

The format in these is not good, The third and fourth lines are supposed to be short and the last line to rhyme with the first two.
I will have to rewrite these but have written other since these that have better form, not sure if they follow the rhythm they should.
Thanks for dropping by, Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

Learning limericks its meter and feet
Isn't as bad as me eating beets
The smell and taste makes me nauseous
Put it on my plate and see me boisterous
I'd rather learn anapaest before putting beets between my teeth.

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

Count me in jess though I often found writing sonnets easier than limericks.
You might teach me a trick to create a good one.

wesley snow

Thank goodness we don't have to write tacky poems. About limericks on Global Warming or Ebola (no scratch Ebola, I'm saving it for a sonnet.
The collaborative workshop is over.
Go Jess go.

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

Please sign me up too.

Regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

It's a void world before I know
A mentor called Wesley snow
Who amused me
with his dignity
For him all the respect I owe

Barbara Writes

Nice attempt. I dont think bow rhyme with know and snow. I think taking a bow is pronounced differently. I maybe wrong as my grammar most often suck.

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

I have checked. I found that it has two different pronunciations according to what part of speech it is. As a noun it rhymes with "snow" and "know" but as a verb it is pronounced as /baw/, so I have edited accordingly. Thanks again.

weirdelf

Everyone is already using them. When the workshops starts, Monday, 3rd November, 2014 please remember-

Do not forget to select "Can you make a limerick serious" from the workshop droplist at the bottom of the Submit a poem page and put (Limerick Workshop) in the title.

 

weirdelf

To the limerick voted by members as the best serious limerick I will send a lewd Glam Band t-shirt from "Hell City Glamours"

wesley snow

Wesley writes a limerick take two:
Am I supposed to be posting them here or on the Stream?

Here's a practice go then.

I can't write a lim'rick- I can't!
The whole thing will sound like a rant.
I'm too much of peace
and all ranting I cease.
It brings on a horrible pant.

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

There is a leader up there in North
who works up his spittle into froth
every time he speaks
it oozes and leaks
makes his slaves lap it up like a broth

*

weirdelf

There is a leader up there in the North
whose works bring up spittle like froth
each time he speaks
it oozes and leaks
and his slaves lap it up like a broth

(even though North does not rhyme with froth or broth)
read it aloud, read many limericks aloud, you will get the ear.

weirdelf

One thing at a time. Learn to write a limerick and maybe do a story in another workshop. Let's get at least one serious limerick done each, posted to the workshop thread as described a couple of times above, rather than on this thread. There are too many workshops going on at the moment anyway, it's starting to feel like a school instead of a poetry site.

lovedly

once there was a farmer
who thought he was a charmer
then his gal blew at him
and said you are too bloody dim
gosh a dirty little helpless balmer

trial poetry okay aabba only
will it meet a lyricist lonely
have pity
tis lyricity
you think you are a poet solely

do I qualify
or you nullify
specify please
don't displease
say I poetry defy

where is that promised Tee shirt
or do you think you can openly flirt
I have wasted all my life
says my darling one and only wife
your poetry is stinkingly cheap dirt

still
do send me the Tee shirt!

Barbara Writes

I hope it has all the elements of an exposition as I learn storytelling in verse and limerick with good meter. Unstressed, stressed, feet and no end foot. ooooh don't know. But I like what I do know. Oooh

S

gonna buck the tide and wait until shop opens before posting a limerick. But I'm also going to Start work on it tonight. I could use a good T-shirt but will accept the one you're offering in the event I earn it lol....stan

Geezer

Geezer

10 years 5 months ago

that shirt! I can do this!

This old Geezer, he loves a good shirt
Even one that hasn't some dirt
He cuts off the sleeves and shows skinny arms
Says if you please, come look at my charms
And if you don't I'll be hurt!

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

If you make a limerick serious
It tends to be more hilarious
As much as you try
In the by and by
We will laugh, for it is humorless

Yours Sparrow

weirdelf

Make me cry, or shudder, or feel some sadness, repugnance or a deep philosophical thought.
(did you know that as your poetry improves your voice sounds younger and younger)
It is the freshness of your voice incorporating the skills you have learned here.

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

I sat watching the TV screen
Program’s about many things green
My brain is in the wash
What a load of toss
Reality and truth are never seen,

That's as serious as it can be,
Where's my brain today ????
Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

It maybe a matter of dialect but I find the word 'tosh' humorous. You can tell I am taking your efforts and commitment seriously when I nit-pick like that.

Ian.T

I was using the word Tosh as defined in one of the dictionaries I found on line:-

Tosh
noun, Chiefly British Informal.
1. nonsense; bosh.

I didn't think of tosh as humorous, usually used to say that someone is talking a load of tosh/rubbish/even the word bosh would have done the trick.
Come back to me on this one, so that if it is not good I can find another word,
Yours as always, Ian

weirdelf

Merely serve to illustrate form versus content-

I met a young GI in a bar
why do they hate us so far?
I held back no hate
he gagged on my bait
the whole world is your weeping scar.

I could be torn apart by a wild boar
or dissected by a jealous whore
but cancer will not get a chance
I will not play that sickly dance
A gun will splatter the deadly gore.

My entire life is full of strife
the violence is unbearably rife
the scent of the blood
has become a flood
more than a gun or a knife.

There was an old atheist poet
who knew death and much about it
he knew not the end
be it foe or a friend
his life was in order to show it

S

There once was an Aussie name Jess
a good enough fellow I guess
but when he started to drink
he'd begin to stink
in his pants he'd always make a mess

( no offense meant Jess)

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

should rhyme with lines one and two.

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

The format of this Limerick thing has been revealed to me so let us begin:-
The typical rhythm of a limerick is like this:-

bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH
bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH bah-bah-BAH..

bah = delicate syllable.. BAH= hard syllable..

Is the right way,
maybe the sheep know better,
still I shall try harder with my letter.
Probably this form should have been Rammed home..

Even a sheep can do it properly so I shall have another go soon,
Yours Ian.

weirdelf

When he does, unless others want to post more, the voting opens.
As I said, I wanted the participants rather than me to critique the works and the participants will vote on the best limerick.
My offer is genuine. The winner will receive a lewd glam rock t-shirt.

weirdelf

I was challenging you to try harder.
Have you submitted your serious limerick to the workshop thread yet?

Oh oh oh! A thousand apologies! I forgot to add you to the participants list, lovedly. No wonder you thought I had scored you out instantly.
Problem rectified.

wesley snow

My limericks were posted for the sake of trying the form (that didn't work out well), but at the time I didn't consider it my big go. However, consider those my submissions for the vote as my time is tight.

S

I got mine posted and the syllable count is correct and the subject non-frivolous. But I'm not sure if the rhythm is right. I sounds right when I read it but I know where I intend the stresses to be and thus am not a good judge lol

lovedly

1.
You can tear my clothes, if you wish
Rape me too that’s what you like to fish
But play safe use a bloody condom
Don’t go about fucking at random
Our concoction will make a relishing dish

2.
She looked at me in broad day light
With eyes as wide open as a kite
She smelled the odour I issued
Then wanted me to be sued
Did she know might is right?

3.
There was once a master named Jess
He was too damned strict I confess
every time I really joked
he thought him I'd fuckingly poked
then often he'd apologize I guess

4.
I can't actually and really hear
O my gosh, darling what, a dear
So make no bloody mistake
Here is my stinking retake
Now of your shrink I have no fear

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

Can you make a limerick serious?.

I see that you all have a hate of me
My sorrows drag and won’t let me free
Here is safe within
I will swig another gin
Lest the terror of my hate is all you see

"Time for bed" said Zebadee, boyng, boyng..
Yours Sparrow, well it is late, night, night.

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

someone should show a model of the true meter of the limerick
I've googled it, but none of what I have found followed the limerick strict meter.
I thought this tells we can cheat, sometimes?

wesley snow

but traditionally the "adjustment" should be slight. A little like "The Riddle Game", even base, evil creatures will dare cheat and most fearing death or worse.
The meter is catalyctic anapest. This means that throwing an extra half foot at the front or the back of a line is acceptable. The occasional use of trochee is also treated lightly.
More than that and you'll be burned at the stake.

S

computer lost its ability to transmit sound a while back so I'm doomed to use the young girl from Nantucket as a guide

weirdelf

Wesley and Ian have both explained the meter in their different ways and I have recorded limericks in classic form for you to listen to. A can offer little more without a spoon.

I am realising that the most inherent difficulty in this exercise are the regional and second languages variations in meter or that some people are poetically meter deaf.

Nonetheless some fine work has been produced.

weirdelf

I knew it would not be easy. I've realised the biggest problem with meter in this form is regional dialect and second language variations in meter.

I will allow 2 more days for final submissions then the voting commences. Please provide a very brief explanation of why you feel the one you voted for is the best.

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

After many trials, I think I have achieved the rhythm. It wasn't easy, but I did it.
Thank you.
A different experiment I believe for all of us.

Barbara Writes

Jess I am tone deaf to traditional meter as you know. But I've been writing a few as they come to me in Word. Word is lovely on the iPad called Office Mobile on the iPhone. Now it's free and that's even better. I'll put it on soundcloud and here to night. Then everybody can hear what I hear.

lonlyhrtsclub13

lonlyhrtsclub13

10 years 5 months ago

Is it too late for me to contribute. .if not could u go over the rules with me?

lovedly

I once had a master named Bess
too damned strict I must confess
every time I joked
he felt unduly poked
yet he managed not to show distress

lovedly

A notable Limerick - which won an Irish 'Listowel Writers Week' prize in 1998 - exemplifies the structure:

Writing a Limerick's absurd,
Line one and line five rhyme in word,
And just as you've reckoned
They rhyme with the second;
The fourth line must rhyme with the third

Simon Smythe

A slovenly man down the road
Looked like he could use an abode
His beard was rank
On the sidewalk he stank
But his smile was what really showed

Ian.T

I have missed your comments on my masterpieces of late lol.
I see you flitting around so I will go get my Butterfly net to see if I can capture you for a moment or two lol.
We all are having troubles with this Limerick thing it isn't easy to be serious lol,
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian.T

Simon Smythe

I did see your exposure of the limerick, very sweetly done. and many more above to boot.
I recorded mine on sound cloud, where do we send it and when, do you know?

weirdelf

Submit a poem as usual but near the bottom of the screen before preview and save you will see a box called workshop. in it you will see -None- and a droplist. Click on the droplist and choose Can you make a limerick serious?
Then your work will appear in the workshop Thread at http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/view/15115

This is a bloody excellent limerick too, I'm extending the voting time. This has near perfect form, seriousness, sadness, compassion and redemption.

I'm wondering about the title. Is the vagabond being discussed? If so by who, I wonder, you don't have to answer. Or is it "The Vagabond's Disgust"? The revulsion/repulsion/rejection of the community?

weirdelf

My main concerns with this workshop is that you do your own corrections. Read each other's works and offer corrections. Be self affirming, it is a better form of learning.

weirdelf

You have a surfeit of oestrogen? whatever gender you might identify with? You constantly, like a little girl yell "look at me! Read me!" Just like a little girl on a swing.
For fucks sake you are so egocentric and selfish. You seldom if ever give constructive criticism to others.

lovedly

oestrogen
u haven' again applied your mind
on limericks as u desired
I have done some research
fed so many here
with what to to do
you haven't even read my formal submission
but as ever r ready to pull my pants
ok jeans
to reveal my genes
go read it FIRST
tee shirt ain't worth it
i wear silks only... not skirts
trousers

I needn't justify ask Raj moonman Ian and latest another one ask barbara and rula have i left out anyone also given a sample howz it you just like to wallop
take medicine jess we need to ..
okay guests have come
bye to u

Simon Smythe

no need to fall into the trap lovedly, free speech can be brash but if we can see through what we don't like hearing there's often something to useful chew on. someone once told me "if you resent something somebody says, part of it's probably true." I fucken resented that but I never forgot it.

your pal - Simon

lovedly

but Jess is my old man
any how I shall remember
what is must and what true
no resentment nor sentiment
Simon
that will do
for your advice will remember you
222222222222222222222222

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

Why don't you ask someone not actively participating but has a fair knowledge of limericks to choose.
This way there will be no chance for a biased vote.

weirdelf

If we can't come up with a clear majority soon we shall indeed call upon an independent adjudicator. Bearing in mind that this would be quite a task for said person, having to read though 33 limericks and then face the hate mail and death threats their decision would invoke (just kidding). I will volunteer to put myself in the firing line if necessary.

lovedly

you again excluded me
never mind at least I learnt
how to make a limerick
thanks Jess

lovedly

please combine one limerick of each poet at one place
so all can read these 12 or so
and make up their minds
scattered brains like me
can't make out
except Ian none have read mine
so as it is i am out
maybe rula and barbara did read

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

I am voting for Jess

My entire life is full of strife
the violence is unbearably rife
the scent of the blood
has become a flood
more than a gun or a knife.

War hero by Gemma Stoner a very close second...

Regards,

S

It was hard to narrow it down to just three(Lonely Tear by Ian, War Hero and Inheritance by Gemma) Now to choose just one is REALLY tough. Let's see, in Gemma's Hero the 3rd line is a tad forced so out it goes. Now down to two which are both worthy of winning....what to do, what to do? Coin toss and my vote goes to Ian. To get the rhyme scheme and syllable count right for limericks isn't Too hard. It's getting the rhythm to flow naturally which is hard. I learned more from this shop than I'd anticipated.........stan

lovedly

I will not vote
as I know zero about limericks
still learning
but raj and ian and barbara and moonman r good STAN and YOU EXCL...officials

Simon Smythe

is for the Snowman . . . then Ian . . . then Gemma.

your pal Si

Simon Smythe

A Limerick is not but a fable,
produced by small men hardly able
to give a good rhyme,
a cent or the time
or I've fallen out of me cradle.

the limerick is all about rhythm and wit for me, this one stood out as a finished piece just so.
a good gag and inwardly serious to me. 100% self effacing without the uncomfortable silence

thanks for pressing me for answers - I need that.

weirdelf

please. Follow your hearts, guts and minds

weirdelf

There were several poets in doubt
what serious limericks were about
so rather than vote
they got a sore throat
and lost intellectual clout

weirdelf

from ten participants. Please, just vote for one and if we have multiple winners I will add more T-shirts, it should be easy.

If I'm sounding impatient it is because I am very, very excited about chat being back up and other innovative changes the AC and Trustees are planning very soon.

weirdelf

Barbara and Ian both gave you critique
I said early on I am not going to give critique, you will critique each other.
Same goes with the voting.
Several others received no critique from me.
You really try my patience, lovedly, do you really think you deserve special treatment?

weirdelf

Raj and Gemma are the equal tie winners! Wesley and Ian a close third. Everyone posted great poems but the workshop required strict form.
Raj and Gemma, please Private Message me your postal address and whether you would prefer the "Hell City Glamours" T-shirt or the "I Fucking Love Science" T-shirt.

R

for choosing me and Gemma as co-winners of the WS. Congratulations Gemma and Wesley & Ian too. It was indeed a pleasure to participate in the WS and to know that my post fitted the form and content as elaborated in the WS syllabus. In the recent forum news posted by Andrew i noted that you had conducted the first WS on Neopoet about 4 years back which makes me feel that much more good to know your vote.I shall PM to you my address and choice of T-shirt.

Regards,

Ian.T

Dat's du turd time I is turd
I is tired of being turd
it is a shit place.
Never recognise first and second
they is showing off or there is a computer error.
No I is not jealous or zealous
I shall return to my pat,
Not yours, Ian

Sparrow

Am having troubles logging in and have had to make another Ident, no idea what happened or why I can't get in.
I will be coming in as Sparrow ASAP, Take care out there "I Shall return "to quote a cliché, Yours Ian

S

Congrats on being chose co-winners you both deserve it............stan

Description:

The very form of the limerick makes it sound humorous.
This short workshop sets the very simple exercise of writing a limerick, true to form, with entirely non-lewd or humorous content. Content of a serious, philosophical, beauteous or emotional nature.
Far more difficult than it sounds.
It will teach us a lot about form versus content.

A limerick is a five line poem, written in anapaest with often cataleptic elements. . The meter, though important, is the lesser requirement to the rhyme structure.
The first, second and fifth line rhyme. The third and fourth lines rhyme. Usually the third and forth lines are shorter.
AABBA
These rules can not be broken.
If you are unfamiliar with the form it is imperative you Google it and read some. You will find them all, without exception, rude and or humorous.
Hence the challenge.

My favourite un-rude, humorous limerick

There was an old lady from Clyde
who ate forty apples and died
the apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her inside.

Leader: weirdelf (Jess)
Moderator(s): Wesley Snow
Scribbler (Stan)

Objectives: To write a serious limerick

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Limericks
If you are unfamiliar with the form the Wikipedia article is not bad
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29
and a Google search turns up some good examples.
 

I be taking a fairly hands off approcach to this workship, asking members to critique each other's limericks.

Do not forget to select "Can you make a limerick serious" from the workshop droplist at the bottom of the Submit a poem page and put (Limerick Workshop) in the title

I've decide to use SondCload https://soundcloud.com/upload-beta as way for us to record our limericks and let each other hear them. If your computer doesn't have a microphone, don't worry, the workshop will work anyway, however do try to recored your limerick and post the URL of your recording. Limericks sound best aloud.

Let's start with a discussion of the form.