alidzain
alidzain
Oct 13, 2014
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse: A Study in Pink.

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A STUDY IN PINK SECTION 22

Laughing Annabel did not see Urilla's twitching fingers
Mog will never be defeated so easily after surviving for many years
it is easy for him to enter or leave a host's body
before death claims the human soul for eternity

The deranged killer learns the truth when Mog strike
with a great roar, he impaled her back and her body grow slack
Annabel's corpse fell off the horse, a fitting end for a killer without remorse
Mog left Urilla's body to hunt anew seeking another who's just as cruel

While in his grand hotel, Mackwill's mind snapped
his attempt to clear his name reached a dead end
he hatched a plan to burn down his hotel
if others think him dead, he'll be free once again

He looked out of the window and saw John Creel's hotel
the man who has been his nemesis will soon feel his wraith
At that moment John Creel was whistling a joyful tune,
unaware that Mackwill is planning his doom.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I really hope this piece is on the right path.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

This is getting nuts! Helter skelter. Ssshh! Wham! Pow!
Way to go Alid.
Now someone get out there and set a torch to that hotel. Find a host for Mog, he can't be finished yet.
Remember, the operative phrase in explanation of a "tragedy" is that everybody dies (it doesn't have to be "everybody", but you get the point).

Barbara Writes

Great write alid. My story is inline with yours the twitching finger go well with Urilla unconsciousness seeing stars and clouds. Gotta read the rest when I post. Hehe.

alidzain

actually, Urilla is dead. The twitching fingers is a sign that Mog has repossessed her body to strike at Annabel. However, since its a corpse, Mog could not stay for long in it as it has already started to decay.

Alid

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

I thought I have killed Mog the monster.
What are you after guys? :)

lonlyhrtsclub13

I like the concept that Mog cannot stay in a corpse. He has to move on to a living host. I don't think demons can ever be fully vanquished without using some type of magic and that in itself would be another story for another workshop :) Perhaps another collaboration at some point....this has been fun. I must say this is the most I have enjoyed writing poetry in a very long time on here!!!

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 6 months ago

In reply to by lonlyhrtsclub13

that's good to hear. For me this is the hardest workshop I have joined since I have to push myself forward in spite of my illness.

Alid

lonlyhrtsclub13

lonlyhrtsclub13

10 years 6 months ago

In reply to by alidzain

I am battling whatever cold/virus is going around and it doesn't seem to want to let go either. I think you have done a fine job despite your ailment and frustrations.

alidzain

alidzain

10 years 6 months ago

In reply to by lonlyhrtsclub13

its not just the flu, its the haze from the smoke caused by the illegal clearing of the land in Indonesia. It's giving me endless headache even though it is still not as bad as last time.

Alid.

alidzain

What I did is to make it in a way that Annabel only thinks that Mog died when he is only tricking her. I supposed I can't resist reviving the monster so that the story will have a climax that Wes would want. What can I say? Sorry but that's the way it is in this workshop. One person's contribution can change the way the story goes. If its any consolation, I experienced that headache on the earlier stage when I got stuck with my character. First when the first body is not Fritzroy, second when there's a hint of Mackwill's wife having an affair. Anyway, its all good now.

Alid

wesley snow

but perhaps not too quickly and not without causing some more mayhem (I love that word).
Alid, after having read my new instructions you and Rula need to start thinking about your epilogues since that is now your final assignment.
I am preparing a short treatise on the subject and will post it on the syllabus thread.
Don't die just yet, you have one more task.