Sand; soft beach-
front. Back side-
walk runs
borderline between
wayward worlds.
Cubic diamonds,
coarse grains attractive; untractive.
Carved castles crumble.
Piercing pieces of
shelled shells, sheltered;
hidden openly.
Camouflaged karma…
walk with we.
Last Few Words: I really do want the raw uncut hardcore honest blunt truth about this poem. How it affected you, mainly. If I wrote this and it is read properly, the imagery and feeling should be brimming by the end of it. Was it for you?
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Shadowrose
Quite certainly you have packed a lot of abstract into this poem, leaving the meaning to the perception of the reader. I could be wrong in my perception, after several reads though my take is as follows:-
Human beings often have to make choices in terms of following the easy path or tread the one involving hardships to attain their goals. While doing so, the castles they build (dreams they pursue) may crumble, yet they must not give up their pursuit of serving their purpose of life (karma)
Honestly, I could not understand the meaning of "walk with we" ...
Could you please comment on my perception? It is possible that I may be way off target. If you want to keep the mystery of the abstract alive to know perceptions of others, you may send your comment to me via PM.
Regards,
Raj,
The beauty of poetry in its abstract form is the ability to reflect multiple perspectives all at once. Somewhat like a diamond, the perspective you get depends on the angle you're looking. Change the position of your eyes and it will reflect something brand new.
Shadowrose
I know what you mean w.r.t. abstract poetry. In fact, that's what I said at the start of my comment. You haven't said if my perception was right or way off target.
Regards,
Ahhh Raj,
If I simply told you whether you were right or way off topic it would diminish any other perspective you may glean from this piece... I am not a thief in that regard.
I will say however, even though I wrote this for an original purpose, I myself have found value in these words for many different reasons numerous times over.
P.S. - The line "walk with we." does have a message that relates to the poem, but is discoverable by examining within the words themselves...could be that's more left-field rather than a hint.
Shadowrose
I appreciate what you have said and reasons for remaining tight lipped about revealing the underlying message in your poem.I will keep following this thread to read perceptions of other members who would comment in due course of time. Presently, as you surely have noticed, some of them are pretty occupied with the Workshop being organized by Wesley & Rula.
Regards,
Shadow
There are a few of us that write on the inside of seeing where feelings reside.
As you get to know us and our own works things will become clearer.
We have a few that walk the shore and in the woods and glades through valley's and I have been known to fly on butterflies wings.
Enjoy your freedom and continue to please us,
Yours Ian.T
Oh my
Isn't it such fun to torment people with abstract poetry? hahaha lol Maybe one out of a hundred people might actually see the actual seed of truth that produced the poem, but that's not the intent in writing abstractly to begin with. Giving away an abstract poem's actual meaning would ultimately diminish some of its value.