Old friends after all these years.
Time lost, draws us near.
Like precious stones, from years past,
You lost your memory, your stones were cast.
Heaven didn't need you, on that grueling day,
When your truck veered astray.
Our path was broken, you wanted to remember,
To repair that which had been splintered.
I reminded you of each stone, how precious they were,
Like alabaster and myrrh.
One word you uttered, you called me "kid,"
A nick name I so adored, not forgotten nor forbid.
It was the most special stone to be consoled,
That which was a part of your inner soul.
We will stand together in life's renew.
Our friendship so close is because of you.
Love will abide, take it all in stride.
I am your "North- Star,"
Let my light shine within you, where ever you go,
Near or far.
Comments
Sheba
You have expressed the friendship bond so beautifully here. I liked the way you have used the stones to express the sentiments of preciousness and purity. It is a very touching, vivid and moving poem.
Regards,
Thank you, raj...it's
Thank you, raj...it's actually a true event which made it flow easily but still simple. Even though the only memories he has of me are from me our new relationship is very special.
Sheba
I had a vague feeling that this poem was based on a true event as you have now confirmed. The beauty of the poem is in its simplicity and the flow is like a cool gentle breeze. It is good to know that these friendship bonds have sustained and I wish they continue to do so for both of you.
Regards,
Thank you, actually my friend
Thank you, actually my friend is very sick, on dialysis, colostomy so this is the main reason for the poem now.
He has thanked me for giving him these memories back, including a part of his military career. My definition of a friend is, someone who knows all about you and loves you the same. If you have a friend like this then you are truly blessed.
Sheba
you are spot on about the definition. Wishing your true friend a speedy recovery and good health. Have you shown this poem to him yet? it would surely be very heart warming for him I think..
Regards,
yet you called me kid.
kid...yes still
lovely memory.
ala poetry
Thank you, it amazed me that
Thank you, it amazed me that with his memory loss that something deep down in his soul still knew me out of the wreckage of misfortune.
The emotional content has been well discussed
and I concur, so I will offer my first "technical" suggestion for your poetry. As with everything given here by anyone it is for you to take or leave.
This is my perspective on punctuation. Many poets refuse to use punctuation as though it were a fad to eschew it. It is sometimes thought that if the poet writes well enough the words alone should suffice.
Perhaps.
I disagree.
When I write I use every tool at my disposal. Punctuation, careful uses of grammar and syntax... even when I abuse them I do so deliberately. Everything serves my one purpose- to write something that moves and fascinates a reader.
In your poem I occasionally became confused because I was unsure where a sentence ended and another began (this was seldom, but I make a point). Punctuation is a tool (like a rhyming dictionary or thesaurus) that helps the poet express him/herself.
I liked the poem and having learned more of its history like it more.
Consider my suggestion as a possibility.
Thank you Westly, I am glad
Thank you Westly, I am glad you liked the poem and I shall take your advice for a smile.
I hope this revision pleases
I hope this revision pleases you Wesley, thank you for your advice..... you are a good critiquer.
Hi Sheba,
I like your poem as well but feel there is
still room for improvement. I see no need
for the spacing between the lines, if you are
going to use spacing (and I do recommend
using it), use it to enhance a stop or pause
in a reading (out loud). Read your poem out
loud, find the stops and pauses you wish to
portray and indicate those with punctuation
and spacing.
The other thing I noticed was a few key words
were used more than once, it's best to attempt
that from happening or at least not in the next
sentence, look back at your poem and see if
there is anything you could change yet keep the
same meaning.
love the story behind this poem,
Richard
Thank you Richard, That's my
Thank you Richard, That's my biggest problem is the best
way to lay it out but your advice is much appreciated.
Edit is not working correctly
Edit is not working correctly, as you can see,waiting for Westley for help. (Update) seems the problem has been fixed. Copy and paste was obviously the problem, so I had to hand type the entire poem and wa la .
Hi,
So you figured it out, no need to contact the
technical team?
Are you happy with the layout, does it look
better, does it now indicate your read aloud?
Did you indeed get it figured out?
Don't stop asking for help until the problem is solved. Someone around here can get it to work sooner or later.
Yes, I tried copy and paste
Yes, I tried copy and paste and I was editing the lower half of the poem but after deleting the whole thing and hand typing it, seems to have worked fine, I followed your advice in rhyme, I hope you like it better now.
A very moving,
A very moving poem, a tribute to a good friend. Love Roscoe...
Thank You Roscoe.
Thank You Roscoe.
Yes, I'm biased,
but I like the rhyme. Don't stop producing new works. You have a ready audience.
Thanks Wesley.
Thanks Wesley.