Numbers Can Tire You Out In Kindergarden
Characters
>>>kid five year old home from school
Grandad, Grandma, and Mommy<<<
>>> Getting ready to call his grandma<<<
Ø Kid>
School is out for the weekend
I called grandma to pick me up,
exhausted from adding numbers all day
I could barely make the call.
>>>Phone ringing>>>
I dial her number
She didn't answer
I hung up the phone and
called granddad....
>>>dialing phone again<<<
granddad answered
my voice slurred —Hello
he couldn't understand a word I said
I'm sleepy I'm sleepy
I told him…
>>>He hands mommy the phone>>>
I handed mommy the phone
and drifted off to sleep
I could hear her voice…
Ø mommy>>
He says he's sleepy
He wants you to pick him up
<<<sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzz>>>
>>>>few hour later grandma is there to get him>>>
Ø kid>
Like a dream
I heard my mommy's voice
calling my name
I felt her shaking me...
peering through blurred eyes
heavy with sleep
I saw my pack sack
in her hand....
Ø mommy>
wake up, wake up
your grand mama is here
to pick you up…
Ø kid>>
grand mama is here
I'm still tired
still so sleepy
my eyes weary
hours later....
>>>he comes outside gets in grandma's car, eyes weary, pack sac on his back>>>
>>>it's late at night >>>
Ø Kid>>
it's after twelve am
I'm falling to sleep
trying to play sonic jump
on my iPad...
I have a great grandma
she got me a iPad
a week or so ago....
>>>laying on grandma's daybed>>>
Ø kid>
I lay on her daybed stretching myself
worming and mixing up
behind my her...
suddenly she looks back
staring at me
Ø grandma>
did the teacher work you hard?
Ø kid>
Yes..
Ø grandma>
what did you do?
Ø kid>
numbers..
Ø Grandma >
yes, numbers will make you tired,
did you learn them?
yes..
Ø Kid>
then I got up,
went to the single seated
sofa chair in the corner and
continue to play
my iPad game…
The end
Comments
Barbara
Very strange that while I was suggesting that you write about one of your grand children, you were submitting this.
BUT, I think you need to make some modifications on this in order to have a monologue, because it is not working with the "He".
Remember what Wesley said?
http://www.neopoet.com/comment/108603#comment-108603
Wish this would help dear.
Rula
Very much so. I do just that. Thanks.
Hi Barbara
I'll suggest to change "he" to "I" and "his" to "my". That way, you are writing as the kid.
Alid
Alid
I try that thanks
This is it Barbara.
A single voice in the first person. That of the child. Easier than you thought, isn't it? Now start creating characters for your one act play. Two at least.
Wes
Yes yes I got it. I'm a storyteller.
Wes
I mastered one now a soliloquy or monologue n dramatic verse.
Now to create at least two characters for one act play.
Panicking. . Lol
As it says on the cover of the Guide...
Don't Panic.
As the monologue, it will be easier than you think. I will be posting an example very soon. Before we actually ask for contributions of one act plays. It will give you an idea on how to format your play, although it needn't be exactly as mine is. First step is to create two characters (two voices) each distinct from the other.
Sir
I have a question,
Do we need to write the play based on our first poem that we have posted for the workshop or it can be another poem altogether ?
Alid
Wes
Sounds easy enough
It need not be influenced by the first poem at all.
In fact I prefer it be a separate work, but that is not required either. It need only have two or more voices speaking for themselves and (most importantly) it must be poetry and not prose. Please have a look at my example for possibilities in format.
Hi Barbara
Not quite right. If this is a first person basis, then this 2 stanzas are not right because you bring in another character or subject in speech.If I am right, Wes says a monologue is focused on the first person's thoughts and emotion only but there's a second person in your poem. Wait for Wes to elaborate or others to comment,dear
suddenly she looks back
staring at me
asking
did the teacher work you hard?
yes..
what did you do?
numbers..
yes, numbers will make you tired
did you learn them?
yes..
Alid
I've revised this
I changed this from one voice to three. That of my grandchild, his mother, and me the grandma. Did the changes work.
Hi Barbara
It should be in one voice only. that is what a monologue is. At least that's what I thought it is. Please refer to Mr Wes for better guidance.
Alid
Alid
I must wait for Wesley. I'm not sure. Stan said it need only two or more voices speaking. I changed it from monologue or soliloquy to a play. Confused and panicking right now
ah, sorry
I didn't read the last comment properly so I think it is still a monologue. So this is a play, hmm.I think you're right. Let's wait for Wes;
Alid.
Ailid
Thought about separating into cast naming each character. I wanted to see what Wesley says first.
Don't panic.
Run with scissors, but never panic.
This is not a monologue. There are multiple voices. If this is your play submission then we need to mark the voices with names, so there is no confusion. A play is a script and you need to separate your characters as I did in "What Men Hear...".
My suggestion and it is only suggestion is that you start from scratch with your play and mark the characters as you write. You will find it helps to make sense of the conversations.
Also, (and this is the hard part) I want you to take my challenge over at Chrys' to heart (you too Alid and everyone else). Dramatic Verse gives us the opportunity to write "out of the box". Instead of writing about things we always write about in ways we always write about them, I want you to create three (yes, at least three) characters and write a conversation about something you never write about. Stay away from the common subjects of your poetry in general. Write about something that makes you uncomfortable, confused, perplexed.
Why?
Because when we strain muscle it tears. When it heals it is stronger.
Rip some muscle. Dramatic Verse is the perfect chance to do something different. Screamingly different.
I'm going to climb down off of my soap box now. Could someone give me a hand, I'm rather old and used to standing on it.
Wesley
I had them separated initially but removed it. I will put them back for you advice. But will also try another from scratch and pull my hair out coming out coming up with a different one
I've posted one for the act play,sir
Done it before I have read your comment. It's entitled "Treachery" and its about generals in a Japanese imperial army plotting to overthrow their emperor, only to be killed by his assassin. Not sure what you'll think about it, though.
Alid
I've posted one for the act play,sir
Done it before I have read your comment. It's entitled "Treachery" and its about generals in a Japanese imperial army plotting to overthrow their emperor, only to be killed by his assassin. Not sure what you'll think about it, though.
Alid
Hi
I've separated it into stages. What do you think
A lot of interesting punctuation,
but it reads more like a play.
I'm going to say this here as elsewhere. Don't stop at just the play. The point of the workshop was to give poets the opportunity to write in an unfamiliar form for the purpose of jumpstarting their common poetry. Use the experiment in dramatic verse to give you a fresh perspective on what you write.
You have lost me here
Running with scissors now lol