lovedly

Sep 07, 2014

This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse: Dramatic Verse.

(Read More...)

Do you remember...Jolly.....Sally...... Dramatics of SnowmanCHRISTENED THEM

Jolly. and .Sally

Jolly.....
Do you remember
that evening in summer,
when on a warm afternoon
you fell off the swing
I ran across the lawn
to help you spring

Sally
Yes I do remember
then as you wiped my knee
and
picked up my skirt slightly,
I blushed as your face flushed
and
you know why
your look made me shy
you know too why
what you did see too...

Jolly...
It was a lovely encounter
you held your breath thereafter
then I held your hand to thank you,

Sally
you smiled too
pressed it so gently
through my soft palms
I could so feel a gentleman within thee

Jolly.....
Yes then you smiled too
I asked if I may kiss you
you blushed and said not yet,

then you flew away
from my pathway
waved your hand from far away
as I stood agape.

but I closed my eyes
couldn’t let you escape!

Suddenly someone pressed my lips
I felt like your lips
twas an unimaginable gesture
what made you return my dear?

You smiled and asked of me
to come once again
your house was just
across the garden lane.

I was so bewildered
and so fondly I pondered
how so suddenly
my life had changed.

I pinched myself
was I getting deranged

you smiled and held my hand once more
but for a longer moment
as I brushed off some sand
from your hair where some clang

Alarmed were both of us
how so sudden we fell ‘
in love,
well not yet but time did tell.

Sally
The next day you came home
my mom was about
we all met you

oh you were so sweet a guy
they all asked me is he, a he!

Jolly....
Yeah some gals do feel jealous too
when they see my long hair, phew
then I have to assure them
all by looking down
where all eyes fall
a guy I too was
surely after all...

Your mom took fancy to me
she was also very young you see
then she smiled and winked at me

mommy

Darling with this guy
you ought to be happy

Jolly....
she left us alone for a while

Sally
Do you remember
when dad shook your hand
and asked of you
whether you were a girl or man

you blushed, he winked
then said I love you my son

The battle was more than half won
dating then we had begun

Jolly.....Sally...and three kids----- will introduce later

The next part will be part two
of this dramatic poem
Till then all poets Neo
hold your flapping tongue

this is just part one.
The curtain!
falls on

Jolly.....Sally

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

Comments

lol

I see you put some humor in it,. I thought this is pat 2 since its focused on more than one person!

Alid

any drama with less than three characters

is just a duet
Hope all know
and so include two or more
in the story you tell

must look like poetically dramatic

isn't this ? alid

you have almost become an index here ur poetry is tooo good

thank you

hah

doubt it. still a loooong way to go. the experts here who inspire me will be our Jayne, followed by Ian, Raj, Rula and you. SO THANK YOU.

Alid

If this is a second go at a monologue then we have too many voices speaking.
If this is your play it would have benefitted from actually separating the voices with names even if those names are nothing more than "girl" and "boy".
As for subject matter, this is much closer to what I remember you used to write. It is very accessible. Even sentimental.

no this is certainly not a monologue at all

this is my dramatic ...more than two actors play
Will indicate the speakers ,
as you say and in caco display

A bit later Snow man Sir

I too

felt there were to many voices for this to be a monologue, long and confusing

Ioved

I had a bit of trouble separating the voices. In caco Wes has the voices separated with name of voices and comments preparing us for the next scene or voice. I relate to this bc I had to place comments in my programming. That was so it is easy for another programmer to understand what I did from beginning to end.

Loved

That you have separated the people by title Mom ,Gal, Guy, I think Wes means that it should fall naturally not by title.
I think this is good and written as a script, using a script type of write I am not familiar with how you do that but will look into it.
Take care young Bard and well done for taking part in this workshop,
Yours Ian.T

thanks Ian

this is as per wes' desires
and advice
let him now speak

Much better.

This is "closet" drama. I could take this piece, cast it and actually perform it on stage even though it was not intended for such a purpose. It is a theatrical script which is precisely what is meant by dramatic verse. It is "theater written as poetry" as Barbara said.
This format gives the poet an opportunity to write not only stories, but conversation in an accessible manner.
The ending is cheeky, but cute.

closet????

they say mostly for gay....(((((LOL..is Stan on line within hearing zone
my work is love between a guy and gal

I take love as an essential part of life
and want all to follow me
and I take it Wes sir
you have milked a poet
out of///or from so many neopoets here
ask sir Ian
if you want to
master dear!

but main thanks go to you
please post a certificate of merit
so that publishers give me due credit
50 :50 split..

by the way
this kind of drama I enacted
about five decades
gone down the drain

okay memory lane
thanks again

Loved

Beautiful I could now follow it and read all the way to very end. Appreciate you using my suggestion.

the mind should dare and care

then see what combined minds can do
like this one appreciated by Wess and you
thanks to both of you

Loved

I got to take a look at this one after you have yielded to Wesley's suggestion of adding names to the characters which certainly has worked well and makes the whole play coherent..

I especially liked that you have kept the coherency alive by mentioning minute detail like her brushing of some grains of sand obviously w.r.t. the fall she had from the swing....the dialogues are appealing and in sync with the situation which you have captured very nicely....keep the act going ...would be interesting to see what happens next...

Regards...

Storytelling in Verse: Dramatic Verse.

Do you remember...Jolly.....Sally...... Dramatics of SnowmanCHRISTENED THEM

About This Poem

About the Author

Comments

lol

any drama with less than three characters

dramatic?

you have almost become an index here ur poetry is tooo good

hah

Is this your one act play?

no this is certainly not a monologue at all

I too

Ioved

Loved

thanks Ian

Much better.

closet????

Loved

the mind should dare and care

Loved

have I to compose more

lovedly

thanks a lot

This was a little different

this Sheba.. by the way ...are you Queen of Sheba descendant?

Than you, I will do that. You

thank you so

I am late for the play

a good pill

A nice tale

You invited me and ought to b have been the first anyway