Barbara Writes
By Barbara Writes, 27 August, 2014
Participants
mand
alidzain
Ian.T
raj
Barbara Writes
wesley snow
scribbler
Skill level
Wading Pool
Splash Pool
Olympic Pool
Shark Pool
Plunge Pool
Date
-
R

raj

10 years 8 months ago

Nice to know that we now have the WS active. You had mentioned that this WS would be strictly focusing on Haiku, whereas I notice that in the "subject matter" above you have given both options, i.e. Senryu or Haiku. Is that right? So, who posts first? It would be nice if you kick it off.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

I just copy and paste. Thanks for pointing that out. I will fix it.
In discussion senyru is okay to post here. On the poem itself it'll be just haiku when put on the stream. I was gonna let Mand but I would happy to.

R

I had guessed that you could have copy pasted the stuff so thought it right to point it out to you. I am eager to get started once someone (you or Mand) get it going.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Yeah. I've revised and sent to Stan for approval. Soon as he does I'll have here. Thanks. For jarring my brain.

Barbara Writes

It starts Sunday so ill a little time to get it right lol. So keep coming with those haiku till then

mand

mand

10 years 8 months ago

Thought I'd post this up to see if I've at least got the gist! ( I think this is a tanka - not sure though )

A gang of starlings
a multi – coloured spectrum
glinting in the sun.

Winter migrates murmur sound
brushing a moving art form.

I'm looking forward to Sunday!

Love Mand xxxx

Barbara Writes

This is a great haiku of bird behavior in nature. I feel no sense of human overtones at all in this. The couplet works well. (murmur sound) can have a human tone to it based on how it used, but as raj said the birds are murmuring sound to themselves. They certainty aren't talking to us. lol.

Its all about how you want to convey it to the reader. The art form is captured nicely and not the sound of their murmuring which would make it senryu I think. Excellent Tanka. The couplet can be what you want it to be in this WS haiku or senryu tones. The focus is only on the haiku itself. Great you got it. Before long you'll be on to the Renga.

R

You surely are a quick learner which can be evidenced from your attempted Tanka. So I am sure you would be definitely be able to keep it up once the WS is signalled as "Start" by Barbara..

Regards,.

mand

Thanks for the compliment! I've done lots of haiku's before - but someone told me that although I got the syllable count right he thought I needed to work on the form! Soo I'm really excited to be part of this group - because I really do want to improve and learn.

Cant' wait for Sunday!

Thanks Raj xxxx

R

raj

10 years 8 months ago

Hehehe...can sense your excitement....have a good run during the WS..

much love..

Barbara Writes

Tomorrow is almost here. You can start posting you haiku—tanka to start the renga poem.
I'll start it off with the first tanka then Mand. After Mand it's not necessary for you Ian. Alid. Raj to wait on each other just post yours and share your critiques, comments and suggestions on each other poem. You can use the ones you've share in discussion on the blog if you want. Just repost it here. I'll keep them organized.

Birds of a Feather

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below

Sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature

This is a haiku followed by a couplet. If I want it to be a senyru, I may write something like

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below

Watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature

Any comments or suggestions?

wesley snow

I thought I'd stop by knowing I would be confused. I was right.
With the couplet at the end of the haiku what does that make the poem and other than word changes I can't see a difference between your two poems. What makes them different?
Sorry to intrude, but I'm curious and clueless.

Barbara Writes

I'm so glad you are here." With the couplet at the end of the haiku what does that make the poem" That makes the poem a Tanka. A Tanka is a Japanese poetry form just like haiku and senryu are Japanese poetry forms.

"other than word changes I can't see a difference between your two poems. What makes them different?"
Birds of a Feather

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below

Sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature

In this poem its nature and the birds behaviors. You get to see a birds watchers moment. The bird watcher is not the focus. But the birds twerping, in treetops, build nest, and eat insect. a poetic picture I think.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below

Watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature

in this piece it about me, the bird watcher. ex. I hear, I watch them, making it a senryu.

alidzain

I'll assist you with the syllable count when I can, Barbara. By the way, here's my contribution.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive.

Freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

here's the senryu based tanka version -

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty

Freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Alid

R

Liked your perception of birds in flight. You may want to have a go at the Senryu based version of your post too.

Regards,

mand

I can see a clear difference between the Haiku and Senryu - You use the word I ( from the human stand point ) in the senyru! They are both enchanting! Thank you for posting - it helps me to see the difference and it is enjoyable to read. :)

Love Mand xxxx

alidzain

irs good to know that I help you to understand.Now how about you give it a try?

Alid

mand

Mine's here ( in the work shop ) at the bottom of the page! was I supposed to put it there?

Mand xxx

Barbara Writes

You did well Mand. I was waiting for your addition to start the renga. It a good. And the renga is off to the races.

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 7 months ago

A squawk wild flapping
Feathered fans beat the spring air
Time to breed they sing

Joining the v formation
Gathering to journey on

鳥再び

不平野生羽ばたき
フェザーファンは春の空気を打つ
時間は、彼らが歌う繁殖する

私はVの形成を見る
旅にで収集

Another go ,Yours Ian.T (NB:-The Japanese is just for fun)

Ian.T

It is midnight here now so will soon be off to bed,
You take care out there and have a lovely day,
Yours as always Ian x

Barbara Writes

Have a good night. it 7pm here and I'm watching the Clemson vs Georgia game while on here lol

R

Nice Haiku based Tanka capturing movement, season, bird activity and pattern. Just a thought, if you would like to somehow use "migration" in the second seven syllable line of the Tanka..

Regards,

mand

Great poem! Creatively done - I think it imaginatively says alot in few words and I like that you have put the actual Japanese translation down - Fabulous! - High five!!

Nice Job!

Love Mand xxxx

R

raj

10 years 8 months ago

Haiku based Tanka

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig

flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating

Switching to Senryu based Tanka

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight

their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline

Do let me know if the switchover illustrates the difference between Haiku & Senryu based Tanka,

Regards

R

Thanks for your appreciative comment. Since, as per my understanding, this Renga is also focused on distinguishing between Haiku & Senryu based Tanka, I thought of having a go at both versions. Please let me know if you expect participants to post both versions or only Haiku based version of Tanka in this WS.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Sharing both haiku and senyru for a comparison will help us see the difference in the two.

mand

I can see the difference Raj - But I await Barbara's expert eye! All of the haiku's / senryu's I've read today are of a high calibre! I knew I'd enjoy this workshop! :)

Love Mand xxxx

Barbara Writes

Glad you can see the difference. Would you agree it's the line "a beholding sight" that's makes it a senyru.

mand

Yes I see what you mean "a beholding sight" said from the standpoint of a human - hence senryu.

I think I get the gist - hopefully! :)

Mand xxxx

mand

mand

10 years 8 months ago

Sorry about the delay - I'm house sitting / dog sitting and decorating a bedroom for my daughter while she is away - here goes!

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
An eel unaware.

Bulrushes sway in the breeze
As the spectacle unfolds.

Awaiting your critique. :)

Love Mand xxx

mand

O.k! Senyru based:

A heron hunting
My binoculars ready
Waiting and watching.

Bulrushes sway in the breeze
As the spectacle unfolds.

Barbara Writes

Both are beautiful renditions of haiku and senyru. Thanks for posting.

Everybody I going to organize the renga poem with your haikus. I'll post it in the WS where you can view it. Once I've organized it I post it here on the thread then on the stream.
Continue to add you haiku and senyru comparisons on here with your suggestions and discussions of each other's work.

This is best best WS ever do far.

Barbara Writes

Renga 10 Birds of a Feather

Tanka/Haiku:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Mand**

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
Raj**

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Ian.**

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Alidzain**

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
Barbara**

Tanka/Senyru:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Mand**

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
Raj**

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Alidzain**

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
Barbara**

Here is how your haiku and senyru looks as a renga poem. What do you think? I'll post to the stream with the names at the bottom. Just keep posting your haiku and senyru here and I'll add them to the poem as you create this collaboratively written renga. I think what I'll do is post both the senyru and the haiku as separate renga poems.

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Haiku based Tanka

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride

together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Senryu based version

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating Geese
perched atop their wings

A heart warming harmony
worthy of emulation

Note: I learned today that Humming birds perching atop the wings of Geese during migration is a fact

hope this works well

mand

I didn't know hummingbirds migrated, it's amazing that they hitch a ride atop geese wings!

You've done your research here Raj - your tanka's are really, really interesting and well thought out!

Love Mand xxxx

R

Thank you for your appreciative comment. It so happened that over the past few days i have been spotting a humming bird floating in the air near the bird feeder just outside my son's house here in Canada. While talking about this, my daughter-in-law's aunty whom we visited over the long weekend, who is an avid bird watcher shared this fact about their hitching a ride atop the geese. This inspired this post.

Looking forward to your next post.

Much love...

mand

I am grateful to your daughter-in-law's aunty! she inspired some delightful imagery!

Love Mand xx

alidzain

Haiku

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far.

They provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Senryu

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat

I sold them in the market
to feed my own family.

mand

Love the down to earth feel of these! they made me smile - because they were a joy to read.

One critque:

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I "call" home......Typo I think - unless I've got it wrong. Lol

also - in the haiku - not sure if "farm" should have the s at the end!

other than that - high five. :)

a delight to read and visualize

Love Mand xxxxx

R

The words humans, cook and eat make the first tanka a Senryu based one rather than Haiku. Wanted to draw your attention to this.

Regards,

alidzain

but those words are in the couplets, not in the haiku itself. if that makes this one a senryu, than the tanka below should be in senryu also.At least that's what I think but Barbara put in the haiku section.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Tell you what, I'll ask Barbara.

Alid

R

Barbara has already clarified. Therefore, please ignore my comment because apparently they were in correct. I was not aware that in the 7 syllable couplets following a Haiku, the content may not be purely nature related

Regards,

Barbara Writes

That's probably my fault. I'll check the syllabus to make sure that parties clear.

mand

mand

10 years 7 months ago

Haiku

Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn.

Busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing.

Senryu

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
Five baby hatchlings.

Their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

alidzain

Since the word surf has another meaning, I suggested a simple change for your haiku's second line..

Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn.

Your senryu is excellent, Mand. Keep up the good work!

Alid

R

Wondering if it should be Nest [of ]hatchlings or Nest [for] hatchlings?

Much love..

Barbara Writes

It's seems to me a (nest of) bc the nest can't chatter. It's mand's poem so I'll leave the interpretation to her.

Barbara Writes

It's okay I just didn't know. Do I've posted the entire senyru poem here. Is your changes right here?

mand

If you think the change to the swallow senryu is o.k then go ahead and post it!

Thanks for all the work you are doing!

Love Mand x

Barbara Writes

Thanks for the bird behaviors. They are great. Especially you raj I watched a lot of national geographic.. And kinda remember a bird did that but didn't remember it was the hummingbird.
Thanks for this vision.

alidzain

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far.

They provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

I put this as a haiku based tanka. Am I right or wrong?

Alid

Barbara Writes

Wow I'm loving this great WS idea. Learning something new is always good. Keep the bird behaviors coming.

S

Unexpectedly out of town a few days. I'll try to catch up this evening.........stan

Barbara Writes

Glad to see you stopped in. Our lives does unexpectedly get busy. Should I add your name so you can get updates. Are you planning to add a haiku or senyru. We're doing both for comparison in writing. It lots of fun sharing bird behavior. I'd love to see yours.

Barbara Writes

Haiku:
Birds flock in tall grass
Weeds sprouting yellow blossoms
Blue birds, red birds eat

Grass in my backyard uncut
A deers family just appeared

Senyru:
Birds flock in tall grass
As I watched through my glass door
Blue birds, red birds eat

Grass in my backyard uncut
A deers family just appeared

alidzain

2nd line of the couplet has 8 syllables count. I suggest you do away with the word "just" so that the couplet will be

Grass in my backyard uncut
A deer's family appeared

Alid

Barbara Writes

Senyru/Tanka:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
Five baby hatchlings.
Their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

Barbara Writes

Haiku/Tanka:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
Busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing.

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
Robins venture skies

donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate

tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately

nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance

Barbara Writes

The first is okay. Not sure about second. It's rather long for a senyru or haiku.

R

The two are in fact the haiku and senryu versions of tanka. At least that is what I had attempted. If you don't find them good, please ignore them.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Okay. My error. My mind didn't separate the two and I got confused. They are good. Thanks for sharing.

mand

mand

10 years 7 months ago

(鵜呑み), = to swallow whole like a cormorant - Haiku Tanka

A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweetfish
Bubbles in it’s wake.

Stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun.

Ukai - Fishing for sweetfish at night Senryu Tanka

My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.

An old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper.

alidzain

for some reasons, your senryu still looks like a haiku to me. Can you tell me why you call it a haiku?
Haiku/Senryu refers to the first part of the tanka before the couplets..

Alid

Barbara Writes

A skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.

This has a haiku feel to it. One word could make it a senyru.

Barbara Writes

A skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.

This has a haiku feel to it. One word could make it a senyru.

S

Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play..........Haiku +2

Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death..............Senryu+2

Barbara Writes

What a great try. Thanks for the bird behavior.
No 2 is certainly a senyru. The buzzards are just as you say. This makes me see you as the hungry buzzard. Lol. (Like a buzzard). (Mortician) I can't imagine a mortician described as a buzzard hungry for dead flesh.
It works as a senyru.. I see a cross between human and bird or human buzzard.
The more I read it the better I see your theme. Buzzard and morticians strive on death. The behaviors are the same. Lol. Great I love. Though it got me confused at first, I'm now cleared poetically. I think. Am I.
I can poetically smell that buzzard breathe of death. Lol.

mand

Nice to see you getting into the swing of things with your imaginative and creative poems!

Very Nice! :)

Love Mand xxx

R

Imagery is almost an automatic part of your script. Nicely painted versions.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Haiku/Tanka:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing

Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate

Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance

Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play

Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
***********************************

Senyru/Tanka:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death

Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan

alidzain

2nd line of the couplet has 8 syllables count. I think you need to do away with "just" to correct it.

Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family just appeared

Alid

Barbara Writes

I doing both senyru and haiku just for you. You inspired this duo WS renga poem. Do you have any bird behaviors you want us to see?

Ian.T

I have lost the original Rook pieces so it will take a while to rewrite or find some more, I will have a look at the problem tomorrow, Yours Ian.T

Ian.T

Yes I posted about four Tankas on your Blog but they didn't seem to conform to the workshop at the time, I thought I had copied them to my own records but they seem to have disappeared, it may have been the words I used such as murder that missed the point , but a murder is a gathering of crows so the words may have been confused with a humon action.
Never mind I will find a replacement later.
Have a great day, Yours Ian.T

mand

mand

10 years 7 months ago

Spoonbills - Haiku tanka ( joint effort Mand and Barbara )

Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty.

Big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath blue skies.

Dry Season - Haiku tanka

White egrets descend
Snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast.

Eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready.

Barbara Writes

Nicely done
I like to add the couplet.

Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty

big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath blue skies

What do you think?
I really like all your bird behaviors. I learn more about birds in this WS than anywhere else.

mand

I'm learning lots of new things about birds too. I didn't know that spoonbills nest in cliffs as well as trees!

I think your couplet makes a really nice joint effort!

( I was racking my brains - trying to think of a good couplet, nothing was happening. You hit the jackpot! :) )

Thanks Barbara :)

Love Mand xxxx

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart

gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance

mand

Love this one - it would go well with a picture! The couplet just sets it off nicely. :) xx

Keep em comin!

Love Mand xxxx

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Looks like you are up early or I am up late..lol. Anyways, thanks for your comment. In fact this was inspired by a picture because I am yet to see such icon of pure romance in real time where as if "actions speak more than words" hence I chose the word "mute"..

Looking forward to more of your posts. I can sense you are enjoying this WS as I am too. How about adding a Senryu based version to my tanka? :)

Much love...

mand

I'm up early - and you're up late. he he

Mute - good word choice - I know you always think carefully about using the right words - it pays off! :)

Writing a senryu based version of your tanka - Sounds good! I'll work on it today! ( thanks for suggesting )
( if I don't do it justice - bin it ). Lol

Have a good nights sleep! Sweet dreams.

Love Mand xxxx

mand

I watch in silence
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart.

While I stare, they brood softly
Iconic of mute romance.

Hope it's o.k - No worries if it's not! :) xxxx

R

No. It is not ok. It is in fact very good :) You may though want to change the word "softly" because in my opinion brooding itself being a silent posture there cannot be anything soft about it. May be I am wrong, just a suggestion to tickle your mind further...

Much love..

mand

O.k - thinking about it! Can't think of a word with the right syllable count to replace softly so -

How about:

I watch quietly
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart.

They brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance.

mand

mand

10 years 7 months ago

African Drama - Haiku tanka's

A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
A spotty leopard.

When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off.

-------- ----------

Almost Human

The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
Mum feeds the young ones.

He catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food.

----------- --------

Jacana

The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home.

He worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger.

Barbara Writes

Haiku/Tanka:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing

Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate

Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance

Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play

A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun

Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies

White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready

Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance

A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard
When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off

The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food

The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger

Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
***********************************
Senyru/Tanka:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death

My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper

I watch in silence
two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
while I stare, they brood softly
Iconic of mute romance

Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 7 months ago

I have found the write remember a gathering of crows is called a Murder, lol:-

Rook

I dwell in trees high
Rookery commune for me
Daily off we fly

I go to our school each day
Suns time brings air to my wings.

On the land we learn
From parents who know the way
Let us fly today

In fields green where we are seen.
Scratching and pecking away

Crow

Murder she screamed
It was just too much for me
I counted only three

So I took off from her roof.
Death could wait for another day.

This last one is from the old ways where , if a crow was on your roof for a day or so, on the third day a death would happen..
Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

Senyru: Renga 10 Birds of a Feather

Senyru/Tanka:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death

My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper

I watch quietly
two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
they brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance

I dwell in trees high
rookery commune for me
daily off we fly
I go to our school each day
suns time brings air to my wings

On the land we learn
from parents who know the way
let us fly today
in fields green where we are seen
scratching and pecking away

Murder she screamed
it was just too much for me
I counted only three
so I took off from her roof
death could wait for another day

Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
Ian.

Haiku: Renga 10 Birds of a Feather

Haiku/Tanka:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing

Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate

Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance

Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play

A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun

Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies

White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready

Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance

A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard
When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off

The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food

The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger

Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan

Barbara Writes

I've posting an updated version of the renga birds of a feather here and to the stream. If there's any errors let me know. The WS will close Sunday for new participants and additions. After that, I'll be preparing the collaborated renga poem for final draft and submission for the stream.

alidzain

Somehow the 3rd line of this haiku doesn't match. Should "as" be "at" instead?

A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard

Alid

Barbara Writes

We are at the end of another fine renga. Thanks for the the verses. I'll be submit to stresm for final submission.

Senyru/Tanka:

A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.

I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.

The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation

I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family

Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.

Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death

My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper

I watch quietly
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
They brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance

I dwell in trees high
rookery commune for me
daily off we fly
I go to our school each day
suns time brings air to my wings

On the land we learn
from parents who know the way
let us fly today
in fields green where we are seen
scratching and pecking away

Murder she screamed
it was just too much for me
I counted only three
so I took off from her roof
death could wait for another day

Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
Ian.

Barbara Writes

This is the haiku for final submission.

Haiku/Tanka:

A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.

Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.

Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.

A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.

The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight

Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat

Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing

Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared

Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate

Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance

Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play

A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun

Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies

White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready

Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance

A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
at spotty leopard
when the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off

The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food

The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger

Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan

Share you reviews about this workshop. How it has helped you. And heat you like yo see on figure workshop. .

Barbara Writes

I want to thank all for another fine renga.
This Renga 10_birds of feather_bird behavior has come to an end
anyone with idea for a new Renga hit me up in the inbox/

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

It has been my pleasure to be part of this and few other Renga Work Shops organized so nicely by you. Will look forward to the next..

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Renga be be on break I have something new coming up. After renga and storytelling.

R

OK. My interest is now even more stimulated and will look forward to your announcement whenever you are ready.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Okay. Me and Wes working on some thing new after the dramatic verse. So if you have ideas for renga leave in my inbox and I'll save them for composing a new renga workshop

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 7 months ago

Good morning young lady, you have a lovely day and many thanks for your Renga and all the work you put in to this fun write where we learn of many things..
The Renga's give many a variety of things and this one about Birds, will enhance the knowledge of many from myth to reality.
There are many winds in this world from the Zephyr to the Chinook these would make a write from each countries poets plus a good subject for learning, how about getting the wind up lol,
Yours as always Ian.T
NB:-
Pooh Bear said "Eeyore"
Is the wind in the willows
Just a child's story??

Have a great day LOL

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 7 months ago

From this Sceptred Isle I bring you greetings, and the odd writing to show you a fun thing, and another on our
South Westerly wind.
Have a fun day out there,
Yours Ian x

Pooh Bear said to Eeyore.
Is the wind in the willows
Just a child's story?

My bear tis for all to read.
Young and old will enjoy it

The so 'westerly
It brings rain to my land.
From across the sea.

Atlantic clouds scud inland.
Release their droplets of joy

Ian.T

The theme would be the different winds in the world and what they bring, there are at least 78 different winds in the world plus a few not noted they would make a good variety of happenings, and all from nature apart from the odd fun one I have already mentioned,
Take care have a lovely day, yours, Ian.T

Barbara Writes

Sounds good. I wonder of other are familiar with theses winds. I am not. They're new to me. I'll put this on my list of Renga WS theme ideas with the others. There is one before you.

Workshop: Renga 10 "Birds of a Feather"

Description: This is a meeting place for all poets on Neopoet to collaboratively write and learn Japanese poetry writing. In this workshop you will learn to write (4) four different Japanese poetry form.

1. Haiku
2. Senyru
3. Tanka
4. Renga

Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s)

Objective: To better understand the difference between a haiku and senyru. You will write a haiku about bird behavior. Then write a couplet which turns it into a tanka. Your couplet can be whatever you want it to be, senyru or haiku.

Level of expertise: Open to all.

Subject matter: "write a haiku about behaviors you notice in birds."

Alternate 3 line verses of
5-7-5 syllables haiku
and 2 line verses of
7--7 syllables couplet
Syllable Counter: http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/

Haiku:
Many song birds sung
They flew above park's flowers
Two mating in midair

Couplet:
Warmth of winds from the southwest
Brings migrating birds back home